08.20.2008 JESSICA SIMPSON OWNS A BEER COMPANY

I have no idea what the hell Jessica Simpson knows about beer, but she's an unquestioned expert when it comes to poorly thought out business deals.  Oh hey look…
it was announced today that she will be the new face of Stampede Light Plus, a beer marketed by Dallas' Stampede Brewing Co. as a beer for active people.
She'll appear in ads for the beverage and is also taking a 15 percent stake in the company.  Jessica said in a statement that she's ''always looking for ways to diversify my portfolio with good ideas and good people.''

Well la-di-da.  15 percent of a crappy regional beer label.  That must be worth dozens of dollars.  Literally, dozens.

(picture source = splash, a look at her fist print ad here)

20 comments »Tags: JESSICA SIMPSON

08.20.2008 JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT IS A PERVERT

This weeks Us magazine says Jenifer Love Hewitt isn’t fat anymore, even though she’s clearly still fat.  They have two new pictures, and both are from some weird angle.  They must have gotten every fat girl from myspace to take the picture.  Us says she lost 18 pounds, but that would be like 20 percent of her body weight, so unless they amputated her legs and we just haven’t seen it yet, that shit didn’t happen.  It’s sort of insulting when fat people tell you they’re not fat.  Bitch I’m looking right at you, don’t tell me you’re not fat.  I can't remember where I was going with this but the point is Jennifer told Health magazine she wishes she walked around naked when she was 12.  
I wish I had been nude from the time I was 12 until I was 28. I looked great! I want to tell all young girls to walk around in bikinis all summer—and enjoy it. I want to tell them to never, ever feel bad about anything, because there will be that one day in your 20s when you’ll eat a hamburger and actually see the hamburger on the side of your leg. Initially it’s shocking, and you think, Whoa, I have to actually think about what I eat and work out double the amount I did before. Then you go, Well, now my body gets to make children, which is so cool. And I suddenly don’t look like a little girl anymore. I look like a woman. How exciting is that? You start to find value in other things.
Oh, so when Jennifer Love Hewitt tells 12-year-olds to prance around in a bikini, she’s a hero, but when I do it, I’m a “sexual predator”.  Whatever.  This country is bullshit man.
127 comments »Tags: JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

08.20.2008 IS SHE PREGNANT OR NOT

The rumor that Eva Longoria is pregnant won't be helped in any way by these pictures of her taken last night.  She sure as hell looks pregnant.  Not that I care.  When I banged her in April I told her this was a one night thing.  It’s her problem now.  High Five!
27 comments »Tags: EVA LONGORIA

08.20.2008 BRITNEY IS BEING DECEPTIVE

OK! magazine talks to Britney Spears this week and the main topic of conversation seems to have been how she got back into such good shape.  OK! says...
"I'm the healthiest I've been all my life," Britney, 26, tells OK!. "My diet has a lot to do with my getting into shape. I have no sugar. I don't eat fruit or even fruit juice because of the sugar. I eat chicken and salmon and rice. I eat avocados. I'll have egg whites for breakfast and sometimes turkey burgers for lunch. I try to do just 1,200 calories a day. It may sound like it's not much, but it's actually a lot of food if you eat the right things."
Of course, Brit also hits the gym on a regular basis, doing "lots of cardio and weights" five days a week.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking too.  Not surgery.  Exercise and a sensible diet.  That’s what I imagine when I think of Britney.  I think of smart choices and good decision-making.  She’s a modern day Solomon, people often say.
82 comments »Tags: BRITNEY SPEARS

08.20.2008 BAR WAS A GOOD CHOICE

Bar Rafaeli is the new face of Hurleys clothing line, and suffice to say she was a kick ass choice.  Will this be the end of my anti-impotence drug binges?  I'm optimistic!

(picture source = splash news)

45 comments »Tags: BAR RAFAELI

08.20.2008 KENDRA IS LEAVING THE MANSION

Kendra and Holly used to get along so well (very very very NSFW) but Holly is a bitch whose desperation is palpable, and she can't have hotter younger chicks constantly around Hef, so of course things went to hell.  The bad news is that, according to InTouch, this will be Kendras last season on "Girls Next Door".  The good news is, she will then immediately star in her own reality show.  There’s no outline for the show just yet, but I think a good show would be one where my penis takes a heartwarming journey to the back of Kendra’s throat.  Everyone would enjoy a show like that!
151 comments »Tags: KENDRA WILKINSON

"What Would Tyler Durden Do" is a blog focused on bringing you the latest gossip and news about rich and famous celebrities. And then making fun of them. Why? Because fuck them, that's why.

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