August 14, 2005 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

First of all, I’d like to mention how awesome it is that Jessica Alba drives a Jeep Cherokee. Her movie just broke a 17 week slump at the box office, she could drive a chariot led by white stallions if she wanted, but instead she drives an American SUV. It’s nice to know that when I have sex with her, I’ll slap her ass and it will sound like freedom.

Secondly I’d like to point out that her boyfriend Cash Warren is a clueless idiot who seemingly doesn’t realize that he’s a directors assistant (to Tim Story – director of Fantastic Four) and she’s Jessica-fucking-Alba. Somehow it hasn’t dawned on him that maybe he should give her a hand with the groceries I’m sure she just paid for. I would dramatically rise up out of a wheel chair and wrestle a bear if I though it might impress Jessica Alba yet all he can manage is to stand there like a mincing gaywad in his pink shoes.

note – originally posted on GMask on July 13, 2005


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