August 14, 2005 | Photos | editor | 0 Comments

I’d sooner jack off in front of my parents than admit the United States could learn something from the French, so I’ll pass on without comment this story about the city of Paris banning Tom Cruise:

“The Paris city hall has pledged never to welcome the actor to the city of love – all because of his membership of the Church of Scientology. Like many other European governments, the French authorities view Scientology – founded in the US in 1954 by science-fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard – as a dangerous cult.”

I was lecturing at Oxford on the philosophy of Hegel recently and I witnessed first hand how awesomely bigoted the Europeans are towards scientology. And by “bigoted”, I mean “sane and rational.” Scientology is fuckin crazy and it pains me that people wont just admit that and shun these lunatics like the lepers they are. Instead they’re becoming more accepted. I want a donkey to kick Bill Gates in the balls until he changes the fact that Microsoft Spell Check recognizes ‘Scientology’ but not ‘blog’ or my name. I’m sick to death of idiots telling me that the United States was founded for freedom of religion. Ask one of those witches on fire if America was founded on freedom of religion.

So, am I saying we should tie scientologists to the stake and burn them? Yes, yes I am. Sorry if that wasn’t more clear.

I do call dibs on fucking the easily-duped Catherine Bell before it’s her time for the flame. Maybe my love can fill the void she’s tried to fill with Scientology.

note – originally posted on GMask on July 13, 2005


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