the VH1 Big in 05 party

December 5, 2005 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

I know its not gonna win me any points with the cool kids, but Lindsay Lohan really does look impossibly good lately. This is one of the only times that an actress tried to make that transformation from child actor to glamorous actress and it worked. She’s still a boney freckled mess, but the black hair makes her look exotic somehow, like a sexy gypsy, casting a spell on my penis.

Note to Jenny McCarthy: when you’re not naked, I’m not interested. Especially when your makeup looks like this. Uhh, were you riding a horse when you put that lipstick on, or is some dudes penis a complete mess right now. And you live in Malibu, get some goddamn sun. Because that shade of red + a girl this pale = not good. You look like Keifer in Lost Boys after he bit into that dudes head.

Does anyone ever look good in purple. Seriously. Anyone. Ever. Anywhere. It’s never happened once, has it. It’s just not an attractive color on anyone, certainly not a girl who should be in the Von Trapp family or on the Swedish bikini team. Purple is for big black guys, cartoon dinosaurs and the mayor of hamburger town. Luckily for her that Corral of the Damned behind her in picture 5 is so completely hypnotic, you forget Jessica is even there.


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