Denise Richards is getting divorced

The on-again, off-again marriage between Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen seems to be off-again, as Richards’ attorney filed to have the existing divorce papers she originally filed in March handed over to a private arbiter. The couple seemed to be on the mend, and spent Christmas together in Barbados, but were not together for New Years, when Richards decided instead to spend it with Heather Locklear at an REO Speedwagon concert at the Canyon Club in LA. Based on stuff I made up, Sheen spent New Years Eve in a leather mask with a zipper where the mouth should be, ringing in 2006 by realizing that it’s pretty hard to yell the safety word like this. Especially when your whore doesn’t even speak English.