Paris Hilton says no

The Sun UK says today that Paris Hilton has refused to pose naked in Playboy, even though – according to Paris – magazine publisher Hugh Hefner has long been desperate to feature her in a pictorial.

“They’ve asked me a million times. Hef has been after me since I was 17, and I got offered a lot of money. I’ll never do it. Why? Because I’m Paris Hilton.”

Well, considering this combines the two things Paris Hilton does best – whoring for attention and money – I have to believe she just misunderstood. Based on how alarmingly dumb she proved herself to be at that deposition a few weeks ago, I don’t know how the daffy bitch makes it across the room without setting herself on fire. If for some horrible reason I ever had to speak to this tart, I wouldn’t even bother with human language, I would just show her picture flashcards with drawings of like an apple and a duck. If, you know, I needed an apple or a duck.

Paris at Sundance two nights ago. Nice ring there, Green Lantern. Very stylish.