Janet Jackson is on hold

Page Six says that Janet Jackson has been given an order from Virgin Records, saying that they will not release her latest album until she looses weight. Says a source:

“Janet had a really bad year. After the incident at the Super Bowl, it just went downhill. Her album ‘Damita Jo’ was a flop. Then her brother Michael had the child-molestation trial – it just wasn’t good to her. This new album is supposed to be pretty good, but Virgin feels it can’t market it without Janet being back in fighting form, so they have hired her a personal trainer and put her on a diet. She has to lose at least 20 pounds.”

Uhh, I could make a space shuttle faster than its gonna take Janet Jackson to get back “in fighting form”. She’s closer to riding around the supermarket on a Lark than touching her toes. Imagine the horror of being a gynecologist and seeing ‘Janet Jackson’ on your patient list. A few years ago, you would have cheeked your teeth and put on a little cologne, now it would be like pulling apart a burnt gilled cheese.