Are Brad and Angelina married?

The completely unsubstantiated rumor of the day is that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have secretly married. Angelina is said to have been wearing a gold band while walking the streets of Paris recently, where Brad, Angelina and her kids have been renting an apartment. Us magazine quotes a source as saying:

“Brad and Angelina have their own secret and the rings are part of it. In her mind, they are married.”

Who the hell knows what the truth is with these two. The only pictures from the last few days I could find are the ones below, taken yesterday in Paris. You can’t tell anything by Angies except that Brad is braver than I am for having unprotected sex with Angelina Jolie. And Brad clearly has a gold band, but not on his ring finger. You can tell that’s Brad Pitt because his custom leather jacket that he wears when riding his Ducati has “Brad” on it. The good news is that if this story hasn’t made you feel bad about your life, nothing ever will.