If there’s anything I hate more than outer space robots who try to steal Earths women – and I fuckin hate outer space robots who try to steal Earths women – it’s Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. But the question has been around all week: is she pregnant? The definitive answer is, “who the hell cares”. Several sources quote close friends saying that she is, but Britney and her idiot husband were in Las Vegas all week, and were spotted Tuesday night drinking vodka and Wednesday night downing shots. Which of course means nothing. Her entire life is like a Jeff Foxworthy joke, drowning the baby in alcohol isn’t gonna get her banned from the yacht clubs regatta.
But Tuesday was Kevin’s 28th birthday, and to celebrate this blessed event, Britney chartered a private jet to Vegas, then checked them into a 7,000 dollar a night penthouse at the Venetian. The party cost over 60,000 dollars, with Britney flying in Kevin’s family and transforming the Pure nightclub into a burlesque circus, complete with fire breathers, a drag queen Cher and a midget Sonny Bono. KFeds birthday cake was delivered by two female midgets who climbed on top of the cake and sang happy birthday. Seriously. She really did. Honestly. Because the number one regret most people have about birthday parties is that it didn’t terrifying the living hell out of you.