Katie Holmes gets her orders

Katie Holmes and everyone in her delivery room will be reminded to follow the Scientology doctrine of maintaining complete silence during child birth by 6ft signs placed so Katie can see them in labor. One reads: “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable.” Katie will have no pain killers and is commanded to stay completely silent because Scientologists believe it is traumatic for babies to hear their mother scream or groan when giving birth. They think it can cause “psychic” damage, which takes years of therapy to overcome and newborns cannot be poked or prodded for medical tests or spoken to for seven days. The cult’s creator, sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard, once said:

“Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and child.”

Maybe it is a good idea for the birth to be so much like the conception, because, you know how during sex the girl will lay there, completely still, with no moaning or screaming or anything like that. Wait, what? Oh, yeah, I mean, totally me neither.