GWYNETH PALTROW IS A DORK

I don't know if this was during a hurricane or what but Gwyneth Paltrow is lucky to be alive after taking on swells like this.  If she's not careful, waves this extreme may cause water to get on top of the surfboard, making it cold and slippery.  Which is probably why she looks like a baby giraffe on ice.  I could be drunk and blindfolded and you could push me down a hill on stilts and I'd look more in control than she does, because she has to be pretty careful.  If she falls, water may get up to her ankles, maybe even her knees.  DON’T BE A HERO, GWEN!  HOW MANY VICTIMS MUST THE SEA CLAIM!