RYAN PHILLIPPE IS DRUNK, MAYBE HIGH

If you thought Ryan Phillipe looked drunk at last years Golden Globe awards, when his wife  Reese Witherspoon won Best Actress and Ryan jumped up and down and pointed into the audience and pumped his fists in the air, it turns out you're some kind of wunderkind psychic.  Ryan tells Rolling Stone:

"At the Golden Globes I was plastered.  Shirley MacLaine and I drank like crazy, just putting away bottles of wine and making fun of everyone."

And:

"The ultimate 20-year plan is to be living in the Caribbean, writing, living off the land, eating from the ocean and probably smoking herb."

He had to be high when he thought this plan up because that's the only time nonsense like this seems reasonable.  It sounds romantic and sexy, like an endless  Corona commercial, but the reality is you chasing a goat through the woods while a komodo dragon chases you.  You have scurvy now and a fever from the malaria, and they only thing you're writing is "HELP ME" in the sand with rocks.