TOM CRUISE IS THOUGHTFUL

Tom Cruise is determined to help Katie Holmes reclaim the movie star body she had before getting pregnant and giving birth to their daughter Suri almost 6 months ago.  Except, replace “determined” and any supportive connotations that may have with the image of Tom calling her a fat ass and making little piggy sounds when she looks at food.  TMZ says:

Tom has become "very concerned" about her appearance these days, and has become directly involved with Katie's workout regimen as a result.  According to sources, Tom is willing to do whatever it takes so his bride-to-be "looks the best that she can walking next to him down the aisle."

That includes “joining her in her workouts” (yelling at her during her workouts) and  “personally booking a babysitter” (not personally booking a babysitter).  In order to look more streamlined, Katie is lifting weights 4-5 times a week, focusing on her shoulders and back.  In order to look more crazy, Tom spends 4-5 days a week monitoring Katie from behind a two way mirror, focusing on tapping his fingers together in a big leather chair and saying “yes, yes my kittens they like the pain”.