The Brit magazine Grazia says that Kevin Federline is begging his bankroll Britney Spears to take him back and has already been reduced to crying and singing love songs on her voice mail. Grazia says:
"Kevin spent last week begging Britney to take him back. Kevin is stunned and he's been crying. He said he would do anything to get Britney back. He knows he's nothing if he doesn't have her in his life and realizes he has made a major mistake."
Umm, it's not working:
"He sent flowers and chocoloates to Britney, but she asked an assistant to put them somewhere where she wouldn't have to look at them. He's also left voice messages, singing her love poems, but Britney hasn't replied … Britney says one of the perks of their break-up is getting her beautiful house back. His stuff was always messing everything up, littering the house with CDs, ashtrays, nicotine-smelling clothes and men's magazines. It has all been taken away now, there is no sign he ever lived there."
Holy Christ. What a bitch. I don’t know what little girl convinced him that crying was the way to seduce your ex but he was hilariously misinformed. The emotional tear-fueled bum rush never ever works on girls. At best, a girl wants a guy who sheds a single tear during the cop show on Animal Planet. Tales of the Art of Seduction rarely include incoherent, out-of-breath bawling like an 8 year old with a broken arm.
She should enjoy those flowers and chocolates he sent. After all, she paid for them.
“He knows he’s nothing”–’Nuff said.
Ahh, this story gets better by the day. It will be a sad day when no one remembers this Wigger any more as we will be deprived of the laughter and joy his pathetic downfall brought us. Hopefully by then we will have something to distract us, perhaps Michael Jackson marrying the Chupacabra? Fingers crossed…
If it is a perfect world and God exists, the next thing heard from KFed will be “Do you want fries with that?” And it will be said to Britney at the drive-thru.
I vote for a single gunshot enchoing back from the walls of the San Dimas Red Roof Inn.
Voicemail:
“Ummm hey baby… I’ve been searching my wallet…er…heart and came up with a poem for you. Hold on, I wrote it on a napkin and the tequila made the ink smear a little. OK. Here I go…
Your lipstick is red,
Your eyeliner is blue.
I’m not good at rhyming,
and I’m broke without you.
Tell little Papsmear or whatever his name is that wigger daddy loves him. I forgot, do I have another one with you too? If I do, tell him/her the same.
Popo-Zao Bitch! I mean… K-Fizzle. Out.”
yes, Britney and I had a good laugh listening to his phone messages as we languished in post-coital bliss on her waterbed while Lindsey Lohan gave Britney a pedicure and Paris Hilton scrubbed the bathroom. Then…dammit, I woke up. But at least I already have a snug cardboard box to live in this winter, and I’ll be damned if I share it with K-Fed, no matter how much he whines and scratches on the outside, begging to get in out of the rain.
yeah. Nothing says I love you like “Give me my kids bitch!” and “I’ll take 5o mil for the sex tape.” What a jackass.
So, what jobs do we think FedEx is qualified to take now that his rap career and marriage have been canceled? Intersection windshield washer? Towelboy at a gay bath? Bull semen extractor?
Crying and begging, K-fed is bad to the bone! I’m sure that will help his rapper image. He could put the teary voicemail as a bonus track on his ‘album’. It would prolly get played more than anything else he’s produced…
FedEx! That is fantastic! I think that should also be the name of his 2nd, unproduced album…
San Dimas High School football rules.
Let me beat him to it: That’s retarded.
Is it just me, or does he look lik he has Downs in that picture..?
A friend of mine said it best… “What the fuck is this asshole think he’s doing.. He’s a dancer.. not a singer.. thus he has no talent”
Oh yeah.. 10 points for getting another idiot laid!!
O&A RULES!!
Yeah, Gavin–I can spot that extra 21st chromosome a mile away.
Someone on D-Listed called him “Special K”. Fucking hilarious.
Special K–that is awesome. Hey Julz–know you are in LA (you talked about the Santa Monica homeless)–anyone else? We should all get together for coffee and snark. I’m serious. We could call it the Tyler Durden Coffee Club.
All wiggas need to be shot, they are a waste of air.