By brendon December 18, 2006 @ 5:24 PM

Life & Style magazine says that the marriage of Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman may be in trouble after just the first year.  The two were married almost exactly 13 months ago, on November 19, 2005 in Napa Valley.  A source tells the mag:

"The couple has been seen partying sans wedding rings. On December 6, Christina left Hotel Plaza Athenee in Paris without her ring, she looked upset. Over the course of three nights, Jordon did the club scene with friends- also without his ring. He was looking sad and distressed."

Sources say the trouble began when Christina Aguilera realized she's Christina Aguilera and she's married to a cartoon turtle.  This dude should be trying to talk his mail order bride out of the bathroom, not Christina Aguilera into anal.

(34) Comments

  1. avatar
    Conal 12/18/2006 18:02

    Probably also realized that since she married this troll her public profile has been seriously limited. Much like J.Lo after marrying Skeletor. I just hope if she is single, she doesn’t go nuts like every other Hollywood skank has been doing lately. The one thing that sets her apart is that she actually can sing, so maybe that will insulate her from the ranks of the talentless why-the-hell-are-they-famous celebs.

  2. avatar
    nathan02 12/18/2006 18:04

    “This dude should be trying to talk his mail order bride out of the bathroom, not Christina Aguilera into anal” priceless

  3. avatar
    Jim 12/18/2006 18:06

    What a shock. One of the five hottest chicks on Earth who’s also richer than Jesus marries a dude that looks like half the guys I went to high school with, and a year later it breaks up.

  4. avatar
    Anthony 12/18/2006 18:08

    I have no idea who Jordan Bratman is but handcuffing himself to Christina Aguilera whilst she’s wearing a porno nurse’s outfit seems like a pretty shrewd move. I am surprised the cameraman was able to take this shot without Bratman’s fucking hardon blocking the view.

  5. avatar
    Will03 12/18/2006 18:39

    True words, Anthony. How the hell did she get away without chewing his arm off? Did she chew his arm off? Anyone got a recent picture of him?

  6. avatar
    Tony03 12/18/2006 18:43

    I think next she’ll marry a 14 inch black rubber dildo.

  7. avatar
    That's Retarded 12/18/2006 19:14

    That’s Retarded

  8. avatar
    Juan 12/18/2006 19:26

    She married him because she thought he said he was Batman! By the time she found out it was BRATman, it was too late. Similar thing with the guy who married Pink–he thought he was marrying a woman, by the time he discovered she was just in the process of BECOMING a woman (as soon as the hormone injections and surgery were complete), it was too late. thank goodness we live in a society where you can take a mulligan on your wedding vows (as many times as you like).

  9. avatar
    Tyler02 12/18/2006 19:32

    Cool, now she can have me!

  10. avatar
    Lightdragon 12/18/2006 20:35

    Nah she’s going after Christina Applegate

  11. avatar
    Gavrilo 12/18/2006 21:53

    Dude should have just kept doing whatever worked in the first place. Maybe not being Federline isn’t enough. At least they had enough sense not to reproduce.

  12. avatar
    WilliamtheBloody 12/18/2006 22:50

    Oh thank god. The world is finally starting to make sense again. If she dumps this guy, Christina is officially welcome back into my fantasies. And this guy can go back to hitting on girls through the drive up speaker while they’re trying to take his order.

  13. avatar
    T-bird 12/18/2006 22:50

    this is really sad. no really because they seemed like they would have a good relationship….but thn i think back to her “dirty” phase and remember that you can’t turn a ho into a housewife

  14. avatar
    Lisa 12/18/2006 23:26

    “Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don’t look around my eyes, look into my eyes, you’re under.” Boy, is Christina going to need therapy when the Rohypnal he’s been slipping her the past couple of years starts to wear off. 3,2,1… you’re back in the room, Christina!

  15. avatar
    jb 12/19/2006 00:04

    HAAAHAAAHAAAA!!!Well what do you expect from these two fucking

  16. avatar
    The_Doctor 12/19/2006 02:22

    Well surprise sur-fucking-prise. This always seemed like an episode of punk’d that went on for way too long. This kid was a shining light, a glimmer of hope for every skinny, pale, short, jug-eared ugly guy out there.

  17. avatar
    Daniel02 12/19/2006 03:49

    Hey Brendon, I’ll bet you one hundred billion dollars, that you don’t have to talk miss Aguilera into anal – I don’t even think that you get to fuck her, she’ll fuck you… she’ll fuck you good! From here to Peru Baby! (“here” is Denmark, so that’s quite a long way)

  18. avatar
    Stephen01 12/19/2006 05:31

    Just when you thought there was still hope for ugly mugs like him and me….

  19. avatar
    Scoobster 12/19/2006 07:02

    Idiots that would actually give that skank Aguilera a second glance, need esteem-issues help. Fucking pathetic.

  20. avatar
    Ravener 12/19/2006 07:19

    Christina has the perfect height, when she hugs you, she blowjobs you. I don’t know how you can divorce something like that, it’s nuts.

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