By brendon January 10, 2007 @ 12:09 PM

Brooke Burke gave birth to a baby daughter yesterday at St. Johns Hospital in Santa Monica.  Burke, 35, and her fiancé David Charvet, 34, named the baby Heaven Rain.  Its Brookes third daughter, proving once and for all that god is a man.  People says:

"Brooke had a very smooth delivery, with her fiancé David by her side," rep Nancy Iannios tells PEOPLE exclusively. "They are thrilled to be back at home now with their gorgeous baby girl. It's a very exciting time for them."

Holy crap.  Imagine you're the gynecologist looking down the list of patients for the day and you see Brooke Burkes name on there.  I'd immediately go brush my teeth and make a mix tape.  Honest to God, if I were her OBGYN, I'd conclude every visit by giving her a dozen roses and my cell number. 

(66) Comments

  1. avatar
    The_Doctor 01/10/2007 12:29

    The true definition of MILF ladies and gentlemen.

  2. avatar
    ShipticCanker 01/10/2007 12:29

    First song on that mix tape? ‘Open Arms’ by Journey. I’m guessin’. Boobs make me think of that song. I’m doomed.

  3. avatar
    Brian 01/10/2007 12:30

    “Her fiance by her side,” undoubtedly well-manscaped.

  4. avatar
    kanselm 01/10/2007 12:31

    I think seeing a head coming out of that piece of heaven might ruin it for me.

  5. avatar
    01/10/2007 12:31

    “I’d immediately go brush my teeth and make a mix tape.” Not being critical, but that’s the funniest thing you’ve written this year. Oh, and I’d suck her toes and kiss her in places she forgot to wash right after she loses the baby weight and tightens it all up.

  6. avatar
    The_Doctor 01/10/2007 12:35

    Look at those 2 smug fuckers in the banner pic. The chances of this kid being fug are somewhere between slim and not-a-fucking-chance-in-hell. Man i hope her boobs stay that big after the birth.

  7. avatar
    Cosmo Luca 01/10/2007 12:36

    Is every fucking Hollywood yuppy going to name their poor innocent newborn with a name resembling something in nature, or their favorite taste or color, or fruit? This is bullshit; Heaven Rain??? WTF are people thinking??? Like that guy on that show My Name Is Earl…he named his fuckin kid Pilot Inspektor. These people ought to be strapped to chairs and caddle prodded until they get a grip on reality. This isn’t a Fictional Children’s book in the Land of Screwy names! This is their children! For the rest of the childs life it has to go through countless odd looks after telling people its name; “Hello, my name is Heaven Rain…yea, I know. I hate my parents, too.” And people say I am weird for wanting to name my first son Cosmo? I can go on and on with this shit all day but I can’t afford countless nose bleeds…fuck you, hollywood.

  8. avatar
    Brian 01/10/2007 12:36

    Do implants swell like real ones when one gives birth? You should know, you’re a Doctor…

  9. avatar
    The_Doctor 01/10/2007 12:42

    Brian, they still lactate, implants or not. So yeh even fake boobies swell during pregnancy, proof again there is a god and he has a penis. Just a quick point Cosmo… When you’re as hot and famous as that girl is gonna be when she grows up, it won’t matter that she’s got a porn star name. Infact i’d definitely like to bang a girl called Heaven Rain.

  10. avatar
    Nutz 01/10/2007 12:46

    I feel much better now

  11. avatar
    Cosmo Luca 01/10/2007 12:49

    Doctor, there sure are worse names to give a newborn…and yes, that will be one fine female, however, you have to agree that certain names like Apple, or Ragne Beau (pronounced Rainbow) are rediculous names and these stars are not thinking clearly. Heaven Rain is def a porn star name, you’re right on the money.

  12. avatar
    Brian 01/10/2007 12:49

    “right on the moneySHOT.” Fixed.

  13. avatar
    Robert 01/10/2007 12:53

    Yeah, that name is definitely porn star material. Well, let the countdown begin – 17 years, 364 days. In related news, Wilmer Valderrama sends his number to Heaven Rain…

  14. avatar
    Robert 01/10/2007 12:56

    Oh – and yeah I would definitely ride Brooke Burke until every hole looked like Paris’. Hell, after she gave birth, I would kiss gently on the forehead, tell her how much she makes me happy and then unzip my pants and say, “Can you take care of this hard-on for me?”

  15. avatar
    Aaron 01/10/2007 12:59

    Let’s not jump on the “guaranteed hotttt” train just yet… I seem to remember lots of people speculating that Rick Fox and Vanessa Williams would be the parents of the world’s most beautiful baby and it was “you-ain’t-got-no-alibi” unattractive…

  16. avatar
    Lisa 01/10/2007 12:59

    Shit, she’s birthed THREE kids and looks that good? Bitch! ;)

  17. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 01/10/2007 13:01

    Never mind her–I want to give HIM a dozen roses and my cellphone number. First song on the mix tape? Either “Let’s get it on” or “Why don’t we do it in the road?”. I’m torn.

  18. avatar
    Brandi 01/10/2007 13:03

    Screw her I’m having his child!

  19. avatar
    01/10/2007 13:05

    Heaven Rain. Here’s to another future “Pole Acrobat”. Cheers!

  20. avatar
    01/10/2007 13:07

    If I were the fiance, I would make that whore get her tubes tied already.

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