I would need a shoehorn to get my penis into Keira Knightley, but it would totally be worth it because her ass and abs are fantastic. I can't remember who her boyfriend is, but it's kinda sad how much he wants to be Orlando Bloom. He probably has a locket of his hair and a little picture of him in the corner of his mirror. And he probably combs his hair just like Orlando and then lifts his little string-beany arms to do a six-shooter move to his reflection. I actually heard that this dude was cheating on Keira. With another dude. 'Cause he's a queer. What? No, you're bitter. No, you are.