January 8, 2007 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

I would need a shoehorn to get my penis into Keira Knightley, but it would totally be worth it because her ass and abs are fantastic.  I can't remember who her boyfriend is, but it's kinda sad how much he wants to be Orlando Bloom.  He probably has a locket of his hair and a little picture of him in the corner of his mirror.  And he probably combs his hair just like Orlando and then lifts his little string-beany arms to do a six-shooter move to his reflection.  I actually heard that this dude was cheating on Keira.  With another dude.  'Cause he's a queer.  What?  No, you're bitter.  No, you are.

Tags: keira knightley

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