KELLY OSBOURNE IN PLAYBOY?

Kelly Osbourne wants to pose fully nude in Playboy, saying she would model naked for the mag as long as she had a little help from Photoshop.  Kelly says:

"I'd go fully nude, but I'd have to have some airbrushing on my tits."

Kelly also says that the reason she has suffered so long from depression and battled substance abuse is because she's been shackled with a life of comfort and luxury:

"It's so easy for me to fall back into depression. I think it comes with having money. I don't have to work. I could be sitting bored and depressed at home with a bag on my head."

Poor little lamb.  So many demons, so many nights spent crying into her hands, punching the steering wheel and screaming at the rain, driven mad by the torment one feels when cursed by a lifetime of security and privilege.  Kelly is right – fuck you factory worker and fireman, stop your bitchin and show a little respect for the real heroes like Kelly.  I can't wait to see her naked in Pregnant Fatties Magazine.  Wait, what?  Oh, Playboy?  Oh, wait, okay – yeah that's not gonna happen.  There's not enough vodka and hypnosis in the world to make me open a Playboy with Kelly Osbourne on the cover.  I'm not good with numbers, but I heard that even pictures of Kelly Osbourne weigh four pounds each.  The poor mailman's truck would just sit in the parking with smoke pouring out from under the hood, so how is that gonna work.