PAULA ABDUL IS DRUNK. AGAIN.

American Idol really is 900 times better when Paula is clearly drunk off her ass, like here in this clip from a Seattle TV station, where it's all she can do to not fall out of her chair as she rambles incoherently and makes goofy faces. Seems like a pretty good job. Getting drunk and going on TV, that is. I wish I could do that, instead of spending my days in the lab, answering questions the scientific community has about wormholes and the fabric of time and space. I broke through one time but still had to watch helplessly as President Lincoln was assassinated. But then I introduced Bob Saget to Charlemagne and used rock-n-roll and my knowledge of football to end the 100 Years War, so that was pretty cool. I guess.