“LET’S HURL A BRICK-E-MART”

By brendon March 28, 2007 @ 8:05 AM

The world's largest convenience store chain may get a movie make-over if all goes as planned, as 20 Century Fox is in talks with 7-Eleven to make over 11 of their stores so that they look like the Kwik-E-Mart.  The Kwik-E-Mart, of course, is the convenience store that appears in almost every episode of the Simpson’s and this is all part of the promotion push for the Simpson’s Movie, which comes out July 27.  So how much would you pay for a knife like this, but wait there’s more!   The source says:

Customers also will be able to buy products inspired by the nearly two-decades-old show, including KrustyO's cereal, Buzz Cola and iced Squishees (the cup says Squishee, but the contents will be Slurpee).  The chain also will use pictures of Simpsons characters to promote 7-Eleven's line of fresh foods, such as placing the face of Homer and his classic "Mmmm . . . sandwich" quip on sandwich wrappers.

I've never been hungry enough to sample any of 7-Elevens line of "fresh foods" and no amount of cartoon comradery will make me do otherwise, but I would trek whatever distance was necessary to go to a Kwik-E-Mart.  I would also watch two hot chicks make out, but then I'm pretty open minded.


wwtdd

(36) Comments

  1. avatar
    Brendon 03/28/2007 09:20

    Apu: You see, whether igloo, hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic
    dome,
    There’s no structure I have been to, which I’d
    rather call my home.

    When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,

    But now I’ve come to looooooove your quirks.

    Maggie with her eyes so bright,

    Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,

    Lisa can philosophise, Bart’s adept at spinning lies,

    Homer’s a delightful fella, sorry ’bout the salmonella.

    Homer: Heh heh, that’s OK.

    Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

    Now here comes the tricky part.

    Oh, won’t you rhyme with me?

    Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

    Marge: Their floors are stick-E-Mart,

    Lisa: They made Dad sick-E-Mart,

    Bart: Let’s hurl a brick-E-Mart,

    Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real… D\’oh!

    OFF: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

    Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…[held for next three lines]

    OFF: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,

    Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,

    Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?

    Apu: Not me.

  2. avatar
    Juan 03/28/2007 09:25

    a brilliant merchandising ploy. Bravo, gentlemen, well-played!

  3. avatar
    sheepsteeth 03/28/2007 09:30

    This is so cool, I love The Simpsons.

  4. avatar
    God 03/28/2007 09:33

    I’d hit hit and quit it.

  5. avatar
    Brave Sir Robin 03/28/2007 09:56

    WTF!!! Have the new writers started already? Has April Fools come early this year, sort of like Day Light Savings? Are the attendants going to have Simpson names like Ivana Tinkle? I choo choo choose to ignore this stupid shit. Back to the pool to go watch that little 17 year old oil up her Jersey plates. Cheers.

  6. avatar
    Max 03/28/2007 10:32

    Will you please learn to use apostrophes correctly (and question marks, while you’re at it)??
    It’s THE SIMPSONS. With just an S. It is not THE SIMPSON’S. Goddamnit, christhumper. Car — cars. Dog — dogs. Idiot — idiots. Simpson — Simpsons. Just add a fucking S.

  7. avatar
    Juan 03/28/2007 10:44

    and the best part is that everyone who works in 7-Eleven is already named Apu, or something that is close enough for us real Americans who do not care about furriners.

  8. avatar
    Aaron 03/28/2007 10:45

    Hey there, Max. Valid points, but maybe you’ll wanna lay off the coke this early in the morning, eh?!?!?! And for what it’s worth, 7-ele sandwiches are actually pretty decent, post-kegger/clubbing/night on the tiles food…

  9. avatar
    Pickford 03/28/2007 10:45

    All employees must be in character as Apu as well.

  10. avatar
    WilliamtheBloody 03/28/2007 11:05

    Or, they could use the money they’re going to blow on this ridiculous simpsons sandwich wrapper promotion and make their sandwiches fresh in the stores. Just a thought. A delicious thought. Mmmm…

  11. avatar
    Tennessee Tuxedo 03/28/2007 11:25

    Is it me or is ‘The Simpsons’ the ‘Star Trek’ of its generation? Think about it.

  12. avatar
    Kelly 03/28/2007 11:51

    Mmmmm, salmonella.

  13. avatar
    Kelly 03/28/2007 11:56

    Tennessee Tuxedo: Let’s not and say we did.

  14. avatar
    Richard AKA Dick 03/28/2007 12:03

    They damn well better have DUFF Beer as well.

  15. avatar
    Angel Eyes Van Cleef 03/28/2007 13:01

    I opened a store called 9-Eleven. It didn’t do much business. Probably because it was only open from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. What we lost in terms of revenue by only opening for 2 hours a day i thought i would more than make up by only employing Muslims. You live and learn.

  16. avatar
    Zack 03/28/2007 13:52

    I’ve thought about it and I heartily disagree, Tennessee. The Simpsons is an animated sitcom that includes enough of both low physical comedy and witty satirical references to entertain a broad spectrum of an audience. Star Trek is a soap opera in space where they fix every problem by “reversing the polarity”.

  17. avatar
    paul 03/28/2007 14:19

    “reversing the polarity” is how I got rid of my herpes. If they need apo’s for clerk’s I will aply and it will be the best job ever. I am already bullet proof. Which remind’s me of the funniest scene ever, where Apo get’s shot, but his body just eat’s the bullet and spit’s it out, like that liquid terminator from T2.

  18. avatar
    Angel Eyes Van Cleef 03/28/2007 14:22

    The old “reversing the polarity” gambit. When Jon Pertwee was playing the Doctor in Dr. Who he was so bad at remembering lines of technobabble that he would reverse the polarity of the neutron flow every fucking episode because that was the only bit of sci-fi cobblers he could handle. Kind of added to the show’s charm. Now to counterbalance the geekspeak i’m going to go and chop some firewood with my shirt off.

  19. avatar
    jonathan 03/28/2007 14:47

    Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

    I doooooooooooooooooooooooo.

  20. avatar
    DisplacedSarcasm 03/28/2007 20:05

    The Simpsons, is the second most retarded show EVER.

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