COLIN FARRELL DRIVES MEN TO SUICIDE

Colin Farrell is dating a girl named Muireann McDonnell these days and, um, I think it's safe to say her ex boyfriend didn't take it too well.  McDonnell was dating a 22 year old bartender named John Knight, and even though the two had broken up before McDonnell ever met Farrell, he was reportedly devastated at the idea of her with someone else.  The Sun UK says:

The ex-boyfriend of Colin Farrell’s new girl killed himself after she started going out with the star, it was revealed yesterday.Farrell met Muireann when he went to a party at a bar in Dalkey, near Dublin — opposite the gourmet food store where she worked.A pal of John’s said: “They must have hit it off immediately. They began to go out. John was devastated.”Two months later he committed suicide. A source close to Muireann confirmed she had been left shattered. The friend said: “She is having trouble coping with this.”

I really don't think it's too much to ask that people start to kill themselves at the thought of life without me or because I'm too much competition for them.  I just think it would be a nice compliment.  Clearly the secret is dressing like a sexy pirate.  I think my mistake was dressing like the pirates you see on bottles of rum, with the parrot on my shoulder and the giant feather plume in my hat and the long purple coat and the gold hoop earring.   Apparently thats not as threatening as I first imagined.