Jessica Biel is in this months GQ dressed like this, and god knows why she bothered because no one reads that thing. It's borderline gay porn. Here's an excerpt from the interview, doing what all GQ reporters do, talking about themselves:
Next up is something called the Hi-Striker, a game in which you swing a mallet to test your strength. I take three feeble swings, each one less successful than the last. A huge Hispanic man laughs every time I bring the mallet down on the metal block, and when I exit the cage and hand it off to the female attendant, she takes one exhibition swing and makes my emasculation complete. Up goes the projectile. Ping goes the bell.
Give the reporter credit, he's managed to find the gayest possible way to write a story about Jessica Biel, and that couldn't have been easy.
No, but I am sure premature ejaculation is a problem.
Once I heard she stuck her ass in a water fountain and turned it into a cool 1953 Chardonney! Then she made out with me.
…
then I woke up to my dog giving me a happy ending :-(
Thanks Doc - no "first" AND a completely true statement. My bullets were gone and the barrel was smoking before the page even finished loading.
It boggles the mind to think that men could be gay and ALL women wouldn't be gay after seeing this gift of greatness. How could you not want to throw it in her?
Honestly- her face has always been sort of busted. Everything else is top notch though.
Doctress — Premature ejaculation is just a good ploy to try it again.
PS - I never called my honey's multiples premature.
GOOD FUCKING LORD, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great, now i have to walk around with an erection all morning.
I believe in God again! He tells me to kill The Fizzle for blaspheming.
I'm dying to find out if the reporter got to ping the bell "huge Hispanic" man. Or not. Damn that is gay.
Okay, I'm a bit peeved. I have a lot of shit to do today, and I can't be getting early posts of hot-ass Jessica Biel at a quarter to 10. It's like eating chocolate for breakfast. This is really putting a cramp in my plans for self-improvement.
Okay, one tug. I can't stay mad at you.
That didn't take long…*pulls a few Kleenex out of a box*
A crap. Her best "ass"et is her ass and theirs only 1 pic that only sort of shows it. Life isn't fair.
Why the hell is there only one ass shot! Dammit.
…….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand spent!
I think this is the hottest i have ever seen her. Face included. Look folks no hands and I shot the white stuff .
Ruiner: my post made more sense before our esteemed blogger edited (it originally referred to erectile dysfunction). And those who post "first" like it was some major achievement and not a totally worthless douchebag response deserve to have their assholes reamed with a chainsaw by Perez Hilton.
I just finished.
I'd like to try to remove that tattoo…with my tongue.