TOM CRUISE IS A MINISTER OR SOMETHING

Tom Cruise has attained the highest level one can reach in Scientology, and apparently that gives him the power to perform marriages inside the church.  And now he might do it for the first time for pawn friend James Packer. Packer is a devout scientologist, and one of Australia’s richest men.   Page Six says:

Tom Cruise is at the highest level of "clear" in Scientology – and now he may even perform a wedding for a friend, Australian heir James Packer, one of the church's richest benefactors. Packer, who inherited a $6.5 billion fortune when his father, Kerry, died last year, weds model-turned-singer Erica Baxter Wednesday on France's Cote d'Azur. A mystery client, believed to be Packer, has booked the entire Grand Hotel du Cap-Ferrat and the Hotel du Cap-Eden Roc, presumably for his guests.

I'm not sure how you make the leap from someone reserving a hotel to Tom Cruise marrying a billionaire, but whatever, because a scientology wedding would be awesome.  The groom could wear a black jumpsuit with a super high collar that goes up above his ears and a long purple cape and the bride could wear a white and silver jumpsuit with hot pants and when they get to the front a silver spaceship with smoke coming from the bottom could be lowered down and a ramp would open and Tom Cruise would come out and next to him would be a midget in a robot outfit and a really tall guy with a lizard head on.  And Tom would give the bride and groom some blue liquid to drink and that would mean they were now married and some crazy laser lights would start and the lizard and robot would dance and everyone would have a really good time.