JAIMIE FOXX DEFENDS MIKE VICK

Access Hollywood asked perpetual jackass Jamie Foxx about Michael Vick's dog fighting charges, and, as always, he never fails to disappoint.

"It's a cultural thing, I think," Jamie said. "Most brothers didn't know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn't know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn't read his handbook on what not to do as a black star."  While he has a way of lightening even the most sensitive of subjects, Jamie is sincere in his belief that the quarterback is not being given a fair shake."I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don't get time," Jamie continued. "I think in this situation, he really didn't know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt."

A-HA!  Just as I suspected!  You see, it turns out the real victim here is Michael Vick.  Because he didn't even know executing dogs was bad.  That's why he held the fights on his front lawn in broad daylight.  Oh, wait, no, he didn't.  He held the fights at night, in barns in the woods painted pitch black with no windows or outdoor lights.  There's nothing suspicious about that.  Like just the other day I was digging some graves in my back yard at 4 in the morning.  Next thing you know some cops gotta be all up in my face.  Apparently fresh dig marks really freak cops out.  What is this, Russia?