According to the always accurate, never sensational UK Sun, Scarlett Johansson will soon be traveling to a sand country to entertain the troops. Since she's not really a singer or comedienne, and she doesn't really have the power to tell them they can come home, you might wonder what exactly she'll be doing to raise morale.
"I don't know if I will sing for them. I'll probably just take to the stage and ooze sex appeal and hang around.
Makes sense. Chicks with huge tits always make me want to shoot Arabs and drive around in a Hummer. Double D burqa, anyone?
But 'ooze sex appeal'? Doesn't she know we have pills for that now? Pills that allow you to kayak? I'm never going kayaking. If TV has taught me anything, it's that everyone who kayaks has herpes. – LM