*TEE-HEE, GIGGLE*

I like the Country Music Awards because they have the most phallic looking trophy, and when hot chicks win two of them, it's vaguely reminiscent of porn.  Granted I could masturbate to the constellations if I was forced to, like if I was trapped on a desert island with no porn, so my sexy sensibilities may not be for everyone.  Carrie Underwood was the big winner last night, winning "Best Something Or Other" and also "Something Else Too".  I'm not gonna lie to you, I didn't look it up.  Probably "Biggest Dress", which is the country music equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor.  She's a hot little piece.  Except I don't remember her nose being this big.  Which is good, because I can use that to chip away at her self esteem.  "I don't mind your nose, kitten, I think it's distinctive."  Then she'll think she has a big nose, and she'll get all paranoid and think she's lucky that a hunk like me would date a girl with such a big nose.  Next stop: Anal.