By brendon December 21, 2007 @ 1:23 PM

I’ll figure out a way to cloak and dagger this stuff later on but for now I'll just say I have a friend who is absolutely on the inside with this crowd and these people and she has to be careful but I could give a fuck less so here you go:

okay, so, I was hanging out the other night when Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz and some friends sit down next to us.  Ashlee got completely wasted and gave Pete a lap dance, pulling up her shirt and everything.  Then she gave another girl a lap dance and tried to kiss her.  She doesn't eat, she just takes diet pills and drinks, but she told one girl that Jennifer Love Bacon isn't fat at all and that girls should have curves!  Meanwhile, she's 5'5 and weighs about 100 lbs.  What bullshit.

I just like the idea that millionaire celebrities are emotional wrecks just like everyone else.  That they get drunk and do fake lesbian stuff because they crave the approval of boys.  I like it because these girls are easily tricked into real lesbian stuff, and by "real", I mean "drunken fumbling around followed by an awkward morning of no eye contract and stifled crying in the bathroom."  Rawr!!!  Where is she?  Time for the master to work his magic! 

(142) Comments

  1. avatar
    Observer 12/21/2007 14:17

    Me love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. avatar
    the octagon 12/21/2007 14:18

    thats nothing, i only eat carb free diet pills and only drink water and vodka.

  3. avatar
    Observer 12/21/2007 14:18

    Fuckin' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Whoa….so old school!!!!!!!!!!

  4. avatar
    benshwey 12/21/2007 14:20

    I don't date fatty's either

  5. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 12/21/2007 14:20

    Another poseur with another poseur. I do not care if these people fuck! GOOD. Keep the DNA in a small pool that can be killed by natural selection.

    Is there no news? 

  6. avatar
    Observer 12/21/2007 14:21

    Talk about what we eat……..

    If I EVER saw Ashlee lift her shirt I'd be eating nipple and areola until the SWAT team shot me dead.

    I would kill for Ashlee.

    However…in a pinch….I could fuck Avril LaVigne…..I love the skinny flippy tit look.

    Though, upon reflection……I like any tit look.

  7. avatar
    LoRider 12/21/2007 14:22

    Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz!  You really have to be with the INN crowd to get that close to such luminaries – The Red Roof INN crowd, that is! ZING!

    And for the record, JLH is NOT fat!  She's big boned.  Ahh, who am I kiddin, she'd not getting big-boned by Mr Bad Cross tattoo.

    Ride Lo

  8. avatar
    benshwey 12/21/2007 14:24

    "Another poseur with another poseur. I do not care if these people fuck! GOOD. Keep the DNA in a small pool that can be killed by natural selection.

    Is there no news? " 

    There is but your hating on it. why don't you be a good host and have them cover the story?

    good girl! 



  9. avatar
    awwkitten 12/21/2007 14:25

    its hard to see pete 'yentil' wentz with his dark hair and dark clothes in that black shadow ashlee has cast over her by her sister, britney, and jamie lynn.

  10. avatar
    gotdang 12/21/2007 14:26

    Wait, is there a dude in this pic?

  11. avatar
    benshwey 12/21/2007 14:28

    i have a friend who used to sport eye pencil or whatever its called. he said the ladies loved it. and he did in fact bone many of them. however its still gay, gay, gay

  12. avatar
    coffeeman 12/21/2007 14:28
  13. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 12/21/2007 14:29

    There is but your hating on it. why don't you be a good host and have them cover the story?

    good girl!

    I do not host, I patrol. 

    That said, you ever patronize me again and I will rip out your throat and piss on your brain.

  14. avatar
    Mongro Jackson 12/21/2007 14:29

    Pete Wentz is a total turd.

  15. avatar
    RKHessel 12/21/2007 14:30

    Wait, I thought Ashlee(bested by JamieLynn) Simpson got a nose job?! That banner pic looks like the previous shnoz.



    She could still play with the ice cold fuzzy ones, though. 

  16. avatar
    Robert_Paulson 12/21/2007 14:30

    I still find it hard to fake emotions so the women in my life think I give a damn. The funny thing is that I am concerned and I have thought about things but apparently you have not thought about something or come to a satisfactory solution unless you have a feeling about it. So I just have learned to insert "feel" in the place of "think" and "know". Try it, it works wonders you can bet Wentz does it all the time and Simpson falls for it. 

  17. avatar
    gotdang 12/21/2007 14:31

    Where's Paul and his Bass Pro Shop-wardrobed, manly self?  Bring it on, baby.  At least I can be sure you actually have a penis. 

  18. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 12/21/2007 14:32

    Carry on. Because we really need every queef produced by the Anticlimatic Duo.

  19. avatar
    RKHessel 12/21/2007 14:34

    It’s call guyliner, benshway. And what’s even more GAY is wrapping a womans cashmere scarf around your whole head like that shit is cool. When is this douche, and his bands 15 minutes gonna be up?

  20. avatar
    The Bonk 12/21/2007 14:34

    What the fuck is on that cunts head?  What a fruity bastard.  It's like he had Ashlee's (fucking stupid spelling of a fucking stupid name) vadge enlarged in wool form and wrapped around his head.

    "Look, now I really am a cunt-head!" 

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