February 9, 2008 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

WARNING – Due to the complex and graphic nature of this story, parts have been shockingly recreated in the pictures below and above, except now Britney Spears is Keeley Hazell and Lynn Spears is some sort of chocolate raisin person and there are three of her and they're all in London and Britney is in a bikini.  The part of Britneys Hat will be played by A Strawberry.

It was February 17th of last year when Britney shaved her head, so almost exactly a year ago, yet for some reason she won't go out in public without a weave or a wig or one of those stupid hats.  Between the wigs and the hats and the giant sunglasses and the way she smears on her makeup, its like one of those Invisible Man movies where the Invisible Man has to go meet a scientist at a coffee shop.  The point to this being, yesterday hairstylist Kim Vo spent 4 hours on that mop and he swears she’s not nuts.  But this is from a boy hairstylist named Kim, and that definitely sounds like a kid who spent his childhood having dead squirrels thrown at him, so take his idea of normal with a grain a salt.

"She's really a brilliant girl," says Kim, who arrived at Brit's house Thursday afternoon to find her mother Lynne Spears and her best friend Jackie, and two security guards inside.  Kim says the singer couldn't have been more polite, and was a "true Southern woman."Kim, who also worked on Lynne's hair during his visit, says that, despite reports of tension between Britney and her mom, he saw no evidence of a rift.According to Kim, Britney, who made a phone call to her little sister Jamie Lynn, told him she wanted to change her image, and wanted her hair longer and sexy.

In cartoons when someone falls asleep for a year they get up and their hair drags across the floor, so the glasses of cigarettes Britney drinks every day must be doing wonders, since hers doesn't even seem to be to her eyes yet.  In Japan they have this pill that's supposed to make your hair grow like 8 inches in a week.  Also in Japan they have pornos where girls get chased by monsters that are actually just big penises.  In conclusion, the Japanese are pretty fucking weird.  The End.

Tags: britney spears

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