GOD SPEED, SNAGGLETOOTH

Page Six says today that Kirsten Dunst was on a dangerous downward spiral before she checked into the Cirque Lodge rehab in Utah earlier this week.  Cirque Lodge is not a rehab for "ugly", as you may have thought, but actually a rehab for chemical dependency.  I don't think they have rehabs for "ugly".  Well, they do, but they call them "gyms" and "pillow case stores".

Stories of Kirsten's erratic, bizarre behavior had swirled for weeks. One friend of the pale performer tells us, "She is awful with her liquor. She is always wasted at the Roosevelt or the Chateau Marmont. She runs around and hides in bushes and laughs. After she broke up with Jake [Gyllenhaal], her head kind of reeled off."

I have a theory as to why Jake Gyllenhaal broke up with Kirsten Dunst, but it's kind of a secret.  If you see Jake in a private place, like a men's bathroom for example, get him alone in a stall and ask him if he'll share his secret with you.  I don't wanna hint at what the secret might be because it will ruin the surprise.