By brendon March 31, 2008 @ 8:42 AM

Rihanna and Ashlee Simpson shared the red carpet for a few minutes last night at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, and both of them look they landed here on a spaceship.  I don’t like to say anything bad about black people because it makes me look even more racist than normal, but some might say Rihanna wears too much makeup.  It looks like someone wanted to teach her a lesson so they shoved her face into a counter that happened to have all her makeup on it.  She barely even looks real.  It's like a sexy Shrek.

(EDITORS NOTE – Andy Warhol used to get paid appearance fees to show up at bars and parties and stuff, but he thought that kind of thing was dumb so he had someone wear a white wig and makeup and pretend to be him.  It wasn’t hard because all he ever did at parties was stand in the corner by himself and not talk to anyone.  That story isn’t relevant to anything but I saw Rihannas giant hands and I thought it might be a guy pretending to be Rihanna and so I remembered it.  Fascinating, huh?)

(EDITORS NOTE 2 – If you’re using Word on a Mac, and you type "spaceship" wrong, why the hell would spell check recommend "spacechip"?  Spacechip?  SPACECHIP!?!?  Fuck you Bill Gates.)


(34) Comments

  1. avatar
    Mark 03/31/2008 09:11

    Those nails are for digging… Rihanna is a midget so I dont know how short that makes Ashlee Simpson… it's like a meeting of the Lollipop Guild Sex Club

  2. avatar
    TW 03/31/2008 09:14

    So one looks like a 'broke-ass' version of Sarah Michelle Gellar
    and the other like a Thai lady-boy. So what?

  3. avatar
    Juan 03/31/2008 09:21

    (a) Rhianna is "black"? More like caramel-colored to me (frankly, she's no darker than Ashlee "Tanning Salon" Simpson.

    (b) in the little photo #4, before you enlarge it, the logo in the background looks like an erect phallus, thus reinforcing TW's "ladyboy" analogy.

  4. avatar
    Woodman 03/31/2008 09:23

    I'm waiting for the picture that shows Sigourney Weaver showing up in a high-tech futuristic lifter suit, seeing Ashlee Simpson, then shouting "Get away from her you BITCH!"

    Then Ashlee Simpson hisses.


    True story. 

  5. avatar
    Workse 03/31/2008 09:24

    Ashlee Simpson is doing the Quagmire thing with her neck.

  6. avatar
    Observer 03/31/2008 09:24

    Rhianna is "black"……..

    ……….by what standard?   She looks more like an Octoroon.


  7. avatar
    tangocash00001 03/31/2008 09:27

    mmmm i put Rhianna in the same category as Oprah and David Duke in level of blackness

  8. avatar
    Observer 03/31/2008 09:28

    Just a reminder to all readers and posters…….

    I FUCKING LOVE Ashlee Simpson.

    Basically for her face and body……I actually know nothing else about her other than that she claims to be a singer……

    …so what….my penis claims to be a "cock"…….. 


  9. avatar
    Topper (Harry) Harley 03/31/2008 09:29

    Pic 7: So Pink looks like she's been tanning a little too much

  10. avatar
    yohnskull22 03/31/2008 09:30

    Fuck em both -

    and not in a cock in pussy sense.

    More in a shotgun to the face sense.

  11. avatar
    Avatar 03/31/2008 09:41

    Juan sees erect phalluses floating around. 'nough said.

  12. avatar
    Jake 03/31/2008 09:46

    All I can say is "GORT KLAATU BARADA NIKTO"!

  13. avatar
    RonDogg 03/31/2008 09:55

    Rhianna has a 5 head

  14. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 03/31/2008 09:59

    Three miles of ugly in a two mile bag. And i used 3 Mile for a reason.

  15. avatar
    Jake 03/31/2008 10:02

    Doctress Leisa saysThree miles of ugly in a two mile bag. And i used 3 Mile for a reason.  Because of the movie "The Mask"?  Ever hear of it?



  16. avatar
    Lightdragon 03/31/2008 10:02

    Just a reminder to all readers and posters…….

    I AM FUCKING OKAY with Ashlee Simpson.

    If she said to me, let's do it. I would do her. But i wouldn`t run after her. and so far she is the hottest girl that is in the news today.

  17. avatar
    Carson 03/31/2008 10:13

    Are those wax replicas?

    Are they at Madame Tossoud's? 

  18. avatar
    ChiefKeefe 03/31/2008 10:13

    One other tip, if you want to select a random page of a roommate's 83 page thesis paper and type the phrase, "Hey professor, I want to corn-hole your wife!"  Make sure that you don't hyphenate "corn-hole".  Because then when he spell checks it, you're likely to get tackled in the kitchen and have to beat his scrawny ass to a pulp.  Trust me on this, use "corn hole" as two separate words and then sit back to watch the fireworks.

  19. avatar
    Observer 03/31/2008 10:24

    Chief Keefe……..

    ….excellent words of wisdom.

  20. avatar
    TV's Frank 03/31/2008 10:27

    Don't go knocking Shrek porn.

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