During the last week of March, Jessica Simpson spent 5 days in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after receiving treatment for a kidney infection (more here). Now Star magazine says it wasn’t just an infection, but problems brought about by months of hard drinking. Star says…
Reps for the singer said she was being treated for a "kidney infection," but an insider tells Star it was more than that. Jessica's health problems were "brought on by drinking an obscene amount of alcohol," says the source. "She was treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a urinary tract infection."
Adding to her distress, anxious Jessica asked doctors to give her a pregnancy test! "She was a nervous wreck," says the insider. "She was three weeks late and convinced she was pregnant. She was feeling really weak and really scared. She was unraveling."
See, all medical tests do is stress everybody out. That’s why I go to gypsy psychics instead. Turns out I'm STD free, AND I’m gonna get that raise!
(if you're wondering, that picture is like 3 years old. just like that joke)
skank!
All this picture is missing is my asshole
All the easier to have my way with her. Oh wait, it wasn''t as hard as I thought it would be.
All this picture is missing is my asshole
I concur.
and I'm not buying it that this idiot is a drunk.
Gene Simmons, eat your heart out!
Her breath always smells like butterscotch. Although lately, more scotch than butt.
Apparently her drink of choice is Thunderbird.
Ok, so who gave her the urinary tract infection from too much A2P ?
To quote Young Frankenstein:
Dr F: I thought that under the circumstances I might sleep here with you.
Elizabeth: Now, so soon before our wedding, so near we can almost touch it….or we wait just a little while longer so I can give myself to you without hesitation…so I be totally and unashamedly and legally yours?
Dr. F: That's a tough choice.
Elizabeth: You're a tough guy! Now give me a kiss and say goodnight! No tongues!!! *kiss* I love you honey…you love me? I love you sweetheart…sweet dreams…goodnight don't let the bed bugs bite!!!!
GOD DAMN…can u imagine what she can do with that thing?!?!?
I see a new business in her future….
Jessica Simpson: ROTOROOTER!
Jessica asked the doctors to give her a pregnancy test.
You see, she had just shaken hands with the pregnant Ashlee and thought it might be contagious.
She was treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a urinary tract infection
I've have been drinking for almost 30 years and I have NEVER gotten any of the above from consuming alcohol. I HAVE, however, gotten all of these several times by fucking like a banshee and not peeing afterwards. So the question begs: who's the lucky guy?
If the WWE had a tongue-wrestling division, Jessica would be the champion.
Hey, Vince McMahon! You read it here first! I want my 10%!
Brandon, why did you photoshop my sack out of this pic!? homophobe.
"She was three weeks late and convinced she was pregnant. She was feeling really weak and really scared. She was unraveling."
So…the best thing to do is consume larg amounts of poison and KILL IT…just in case there is a life form inside you!
Good thinkin Jess!
moral of this story?
obviously, not enough alcohol
With a tounge like that she would make a good bean fliker. I see a whole new fan base she could attract, Diesel dykes!
I gots nothing. "Show me your tits!!!"
Wait?…err…Nope. Nothing.
apparantly women can get urinary tract infections easily if you fuck them in the snatch after fucking them in the ass. Thats why i usually give them antibiotics while i am pushing them out the door with cab fare.
Doctress 11:36 - exactamundo