I'M VOTING FOR MCCAIN – I'm sure Obama is a smart man, but ... the tits. They’re very big. I must do what they say.
NICOLE KIDMAN IS AN IDIOT - Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman said swimming in Australian Outback waterfalls may promote fertility and might have contributed to her unexpected pregnancy over the past year. I heard semen also works, but I don’t have an Oscar so just ignore me. Nicole is probably right. The water is probably enchanted by magic fairies, and that’s how she got pregnant.
BRAD PITT FILMS A JAPANESE COMMERCIAL - Why did they dress him like this? And do that mustache? If the Japanese ever do something that isn’t completely batshit crazy, feel free to let me know about it. I'm surprised they didn’t chase him with some kind of penis octopus monster.
PETA IS FUCKING CRAZY - PETA wants Ben and Jerrys to use human milk in their ice cream. They got the idea after a restaurant in Switzerland announced it would use 75 percent breast milk in its food. PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies. In a related story, WTF?
BUY BRITNEY’S HOUSE - Britney Spears's six-bedroom, six-bathroom Studio City home is on sale for $7.9 million, according to Splash News. You have to take our word for it that this is her house, since she’s not standing on the roof. People in Montana must laugh their ass off when they see people in LA paying 8 million for a house crammed onto half an acre.