TEA LEONI NEEDS TO CHILL OUT

David Duchovny announced that he was in a rehab for sexual addiction last week, but apparently that doesn’t mean he was sleeping around and cheating on his wife Tea Leoni.  According to Fox News, he was addicted to porn.  Oh jeez, whatever.  

 (his) announcement that was he was in rehab for sex addiction sparked a lot of rumors. One of them was that he’d been caught having an affair with his tennis instructor (a woman) and that he was undergoing rehab to save his marriage.Alas, it isn’t so, says a close friend. Duchovny did not check in because of an extramarital fling. I have inferred from my conversation with Duchovny’s friend that this has something to do with an addiction to pornography, probably on the internet. It’s the sex equivalent of a gambling addiction, where the person is just hopelessly trapped in chat rooms.Wuuf.  They really should have just gone with the cheating thing.  That sounds way way better than jacking off in chat rooms.  

Tea needs to lighten up.  Now her man is gonna be all embarrassed. I don’t know who decided that enjoying porn meant you were addicted, but I bet it was someone fat.  Fat people are always real jealous of sexual creatures like me and David Duchovny.