Mark Wahlberg was on the great Jimmy Kimmel show (I heart Jimmy Kimmel) last night, and Jimmy asked him about the impression Andy Samberg did of him on SNL last week. Suffice to say, Mark was the joyless little bitch he always is. The pretend tough guy said he was gonna, "crack that big fuckin nose of his (Sambergs) ... I don’t play that shit ... I’m gonna fly to New York tomorrow and slap him in that big nose." Whatever. He's not gonna do shit. This is what happens when people kiss your ass all day. I’m sure Mark is the toughest guy getting a laser peel after his Pilates class, but in the real world he’s 35 inches tall and hasn’t been in a fight since 1987. My dick is bigger than Mark Wahlberg. Even if he somehow doubled in size overnight, he could still walk through my dog door. Ooooohhh, scary.