shawn johnson was almost killed!

By brendon March 26, 2009 @ 6:49 AM

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!  I don’t watch “Dancing With The Stars” for the exact same reason I don’t take long lavender baths or have a cat named Mr. Mittens, but Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson is a finalist, and early Tuesday a man named Robert O’Ryan was arrested sneaking around the set.  Oh, but he wasn’t alone.

"The LAPD located a loaded .45 handgun, a loaded shotgun, and materials classically used for kidnapping including duct tape, zip ties, and a map to the victim. Also found were love letters, clippings and other information on the victim."
"He had packed all his belongings and permanently left Florida to drive out here to be with [Shawn Johnson], he believes that she speaks to him personally through the television set and through ESP and that they will have a child together, he stated he would be with her no matter what."

Needless to say he’s in jail and Shawn is protected 24 hours a day by trained killers.  I don’t mean to Monday Morning Quarterback this dude, but he might have been over thinking this.  Shawn Johnson?  I'm sure she’s a lovely woman and I would be enchanted if I ever met her, but … really?  Her?  She probably would have gone out with the dude if he just asked.  It’s Shawn Johnson.  This is like tunneling into a bank to steal their pens.

(image source = mavrix online)

(509) Comments

  1. avatar
    WhoIsThisGuy 03/26/2009 07:15


  2. avatar
    WhoIsThisGuy 03/26/2009 07:15

    Who cares?

  3. avatar
    Zombie 03/26/2009 07:16

    Who the fuck?


  4. avatar
    leftnutofjesus 03/26/2009 07:16

    this bitch ain’t real. she’s some sort of advanced real doll that’s out of control. she’ll destroy this nation. america, my penis is waiting for your call.

  5. avatar
    WhoIsThisGuy 03/26/2009 07:16

    She looks like Zelda

  6. avatar
    DB's Treasure 03/26/2009 07:17

    Someone better protect her from my fully loaded penis.

  7. avatar
    RemSteale 03/26/2009 07:17

    Who’s the chubby blonde in the mint green dress??

  8. avatar
    WhoIsThisGuy 03/26/2009 07:17

    Horrible banner pic, who fuckin crops for this site?

  9. avatar
    SupBv2 03/26/2009 07:18

    Bendy girls…YAY for bendy girls

    Strippers and gymnists make my world go round.

  10. avatar
    leftnutofjesus 03/26/2009 07:18

    nobody cares. but if that was the point, nobody would fucking be here. hell, i don’t go to work because there’s a point. i just do it cuz i like going places sometimes and pretending to do shit.

    today, i’m banging holly madison against the wall of my chateau on stone mountain. on break.

  11. avatar
    CodPiece 03/26/2009 07:18


  12. avatar
    DB's Treasure 03/26/2009 07:19

    You idiots say “Who cares?”, but would you rather keep reading up on your worthless Chris Brown/Rhihannabanana material? This thread has guns, a nut case, and a pair of legs that go up and make a hell of an ass outta themselves. Shut the fuck up and gawk at the woman’s perfect figure. Jesus cunt lapping Christ.

  13. avatar
    The_Greek_God_Testiclees 03/26/2009 07:19

    That midget is kind of hot…

  14. avatar
    leftnutofjesus 03/26/2009 07:19

    she might bend. but it’ll snap. fucking trust me. it’ll snap.

  15. avatar
    Zombie 03/26/2009 07:19

    I’m suprised the writer didn’t call her fat, particularly for the shot in Pic #5.

  16. avatar
    WhoIsThisGuy 03/26/2009 07:19

    Perfect figure? HA!

  17. avatar
    The_Greek_God_Testiclees 03/26/2009 07:20

    She would have fit into his glovebox let alone the trunk unless it was a smart car.. then he would have had to put her on the top.

  18. avatar
    lady garden 03/26/2009 07:20

    How awful………who?

  19. avatar
    Watt(Power) 03/26/2009 07:20

    I’d bang that chipmunk. Ill make her taco pop

  20. avatar
    Just the Tip 03/26/2009 07:21

    Who the fuck sits in that chair in the banner pic?! The Jolly Green Giant?!

    Is that lil’ Sprite down there all stupid smiles?

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