chris brown says hes not guilty

By brendon April 06, 2009 @ 4:40 PM

Chris Brown finally had his day in court today, almost two months after his arrest for suspicion of assaulting his girlfriend Rihanna.  More specifically, he, “punched her in the left eye with his right hand (then) continued to punch her.  The assault caused her mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.”  The AP says…

Brown entered his plea, speaking in a soft voice, while his mother sat in the first row, red-eyed.
The 21-year-old "Umbrella" singer was represented by attorney Donald Etra, who said Rihanna is hoping that a deal can be worked out before a preliminary hearing or trial in the case, but that she will testify if required to.
"She would be pleased if this was over quickly," Etra said.

By all accounts Brown is trying to arrange a plea bargain, which will save everyone a lot of time and hassle.  If the attorneys and judge can agree on a plea, the prosecutor won’t have to prosecute the case, the defense attorney won’t have to defend it and the judge wont have to judge it.  Must be nice.  Must be nice to have a million dollar career where everyone can just agree not to do what their very specific job title says they do and that’s somehow okay.  Go ahead and try that at your job.  If you’re a waiter, the next time someone comes in and orders a steak and a beer, just say, “No no no no, I talked it over with the chef and the bartender and we agreed we’re not doin any of that.  We compromised and decided you sitting down was good enough.  Anyway, you owe us 94 dollars, so I’ll just take this whenever you’re ready.”

(69) Comments

  1. avatar
    Mittens 04/06/2009 17:29


  2. avatar
    Mittens 04/06/2009 17:29


  3. avatar
    Mittens 04/06/2009 17:30

    Cookin’ spousal abuse that is.

  4. avatar
    Sir Corky 04/06/2009 17:37

    That’s a fancy sweater-suit he’s wearing to court. He’ll be the prettiest in prison.

  5. avatar
    BingBongBing 04/06/2009 17:43

    Who else did it? Rhianna’s other black boyfriend who was in the car?
    Next time, He’ll probably kill her.

  6. avatar
    Old_Perv 04/06/2009 17:45

    “I didn’t do nothin wrong. I only beat da shit outta her.”

  7. avatar
    FatOldElvis 04/06/2009 17:46

    ::goes to kitchen
    gets unopened bottle of Bacardi 151
    opens it
    drinks half the bottle in 15 minutes
    still doesn’t give a fuck about this story::

    ::passes out::

  8. avatar
    Paleomiz 04/06/2009 17:50

    “You look like the piss boy!”
    “And you look like a bucket of shit!”

    In both cases it was Chris Brown

  9. avatar
    Paleomiz 04/06/2009 17:58
  10. avatar
    Paleomiz 04/06/2009 17:59

    That’s all I have to say on the matter

  11. avatar
    UHWut 04/06/2009 18:01

    Wow, you really don’t have any idea what their job really is do you?

    Try minimizing court time to minimize how much money must be spent on the case and hence minimizing tax dollars spent…

  12. avatar
    donia 04/06/2009 18:04

    drop the soap, drop the soap, drop the soap, drop the soap, drop the soap, drop the soap, drop the soap

  13. avatar
    Skankatron 04/06/2009 18:06

    I have no clue what this guy wraps? Does he work at the Sears during Christmas? Oh, my friend just told me he’s a rapper. I still don’t know him. Mmm.

  14. avatar
    Rokan 04/06/2009 18:34

    He looks like he’s sorry.


    “Its good to be the king!”

  15. avatar
    just a ghost 04/06/2009 18:37

    I fucking hate when girls beat themselves up and blame their boyfriends.

  16. avatar
    Harenmahkeester 04/06/2009 18:45

    Is that the lobotomy dude from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest on the right (cop)? Or maybe it’s Tobin Bell from Saw. One of the two…

  17. avatar
    DB's Treasure 04/06/2009 18:58

    “Your Honor, she opened the sun visor too fast…

    …seventeen times.”

  18. avatar
    tsanda 04/06/2009 19:09

    Chris is going to get some of his own songs lyrics in jail. “lovey dovey and Kiss Kiss Kiss Kiss” Holy shit what dudes in jail are going to do to him….maybe TI will kick his ass in Jail. That would be awesome.

  19. avatar
    DB's Treasure 04/06/2009 19:15

    They treat kids like this in jail like a hornball treats a microwaved melon.

  20. avatar
    Tengo Jr. 04/06/2009 19:15

    She deserved it.

    Girls are yucky.

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