Madonna might get married again

In December, Madonna, who is 50, started dating Brazilian model Jesus Luz, who is 22.  They we’re still dating in March when Madonna was making plans to adopt a little girl in Africa.  Then on March 23rd, the adoption agency said, “The news she is linked to a young man less than half her age makes us question her morals.”  This put the adoption in jeopardy, so five days later, while on her way to Africa to adopt that kid, she made a public announcement that she had broken up with Jesus.

You may find this hard to believe, but the adoption agency was not fooled by Madonnas insultingly lazy sham breakup, and they went on to deny her adoption.

Then a miracle happened, Madonna got back together with Jesus!  And now, according to the NY Daily News, they may get pretend married!

According to Jesus Luz’s papa, Madonna and his son are definitely tying the knot, kabbalah style.  “I don’t know if there will, in fact, be a real marriage between Madonna and my son. It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know [if the ceremony] will have legal validity.”

It does not.  But it should.  Maybe Kaballah needs more kinds of magic string.  Maybe they could sell an enchanted black string that turns things into laws.  And a white one that makes you invisible, and a yellow one that conjures up a guardian dragon.  There’s really no limit to what these omnipotent twist-ties can do.