05.15.2009 Mariah Carey is a mess

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Mariah Carey has the same two dresses in 1500 colors, and today she wore Dress 2 (Dress 1 is the one with the slit all the way up the leg) in France at the Cannes Film Festival, and for her sake she better have someone who can tell her to never do this again. Mariah is 40 pounds overweight and built like she’s filled with sand, so when all that gets shoved into a snakeskin dress five sizes too small it looks like a python is eating a gorilla. I can’t imagine that’s what she wanted.

7 photos in gallery >

(image source = splash)

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119 Comments

(119) Comments

  1. Long_Duk_Dong 05/15/2009 11:18

    I’d fuck that snake if you held it’s head

  2. Michael Litoris 05/15/2009 11:19

    Holy fuck it’s Shrek!

  3. Rick (with a silent P) 05/15/2009 11:19

    I see Mariah is on the Kelly Cartman diet…

  4. SCUM 05/15/2009 11:20

    I would shave that gorillas back and give her my snake.

  5. Strip Club DJ 05/15/2009 11:20

    first page!!!!

  6. Big Smelly Dirt Cock 05/15/2009 11:21

    Everything she wears has always been two sizes too small. It’s an admirable dress code when you’re in the neighborhood of hot but this is kind of gross.

    Still not gross enough where I wouldn’t fuck that fat fold pictured though.

  7. Pottz 05/15/2009 11:21

    It’s Official, the writer is GAY. I’d STILL fuck Mimi…

  8. Dirishn 05/15/2009 11:22

    So basically if you told me, “go pound sand”, it’s perfectly acceptable for me to assume your comment was an invitation to hit it. Thanks….I’d hit that.

  9. SCUM 05/15/2009 11:22

    Pics 3&4 are giving me a hanckern for I-HOP.

  10. leftnutofjesus 05/15/2009 11:23

    she looks like Golddust from WWF. I’d stick a straw in her pussy and expect a Mccafe drink.

  11. SCUM 05/15/2009 11:24

    BSDC, is she in the zip code of hot?

  12. chrisssss 05/15/2009 11:24

    Nick Cannon is noticeably missing. She must have consumed him like a black widow.

  13. leftnutofjesus 05/15/2009 11:25

    you fuckers can have the crayon-colored fat bitch.

    i’m going for her skinny cokehead friends. they always get new dick fast and leave you alone.

  14. Lora 05/15/2009 11:27

    I’m sure there’s a joke here based on Zombie’s beach exploits and her being lumpy and sand-coloured, but I’m too lazy to put all the pieces together.

  15. leftnutofjesus 05/15/2009 11:27

    chrisssss,

    her pussy’s like a clam or snow cave.
    it’s where men go to crawl up and die.

    then the next time she farts a chicken fried fart, they’ll fall out and become someone’s pearls.

  16. Long_Duk_Dong 05/15/2009 11:28

    chicken fried fart

    classic

  17. leftnutofjesus 05/15/2009 11:29

    those sunglasses look like she’s been having to run through a bukkake exhibition at every 1/4 mile of life.

  18. The Insane Tony Stark 05/15/2009 11:30

    ::drags large box into room::

    ::takes out large sheet of instructions::

  19. Watt(Power) 05/15/2009 11:30

    My penis remembers her fantasy video and weeps.

  20. SCUM 05/15/2009 11:31

    Pic #5. Full Size. Are those razor bumps?

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