Late last night, Perez Hilton posted a statement on his site to explain his actions on Sunday, when he called Will.I.Am a “fucking faggot” and then was punched by the manager of the Black Eyed Peas. His complete statement is after the jump, intercut with my poorly thought out observations. And if you were wondering, I used a picture of a stunningly beautiful and naked Korean girl instead because I didn’t want him fuggin up my sexxxy page. Rarrr!
“Words can hurt. I know that very well, from both sides of the fence. The other night in Toronto, after feeling physically threatened by a verbally abusive Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas, I chose the most hurtful word I know to hurl at him. I was in an out-of-the ordinary situation and used a word that I would not utter under normal circumstances.”
Didn’t you say on Twitter that he assaulted you? That’s rhetorical by the way, because you did. I don’t mean to change the subject but you’ve been screaming about him lying and yet you began this whole thing with a very obvious lie and now you’re just sort of pretending that never happened. But, I’m sorry, I’m interrupting. Maybe you’re building up to that. I apologize. Please continue.
“My intention – however misguided it may have been – was to stand up for myself and tell this belligerent man that I had enough of his badgering and was not going to continue to let him berate and intimidate me.”
Hm. It sorta seems like Will.I.Am has been soft-spoken and lucid during this entire thing and you’ve been screaming and crying almost non-stop. On the TMZ video, you’re the one aggressively yelling, not him. During your 12-minute tear-soaked self-pitying opus, you say Fergie was probably embarrassed by Will.I.Ams actions, yet at the end you scream, “Fuck You Fergie, you’re fugly bitch”. Just minutes after you say she didn’t do anything wrong, and in fact might be on your side, you curse her out and call her ugly. You made this 16-second video (NSFW language) and Will made his video probably around the very same time. He seems almost bemused by the whole thing. Probably because he’s Will.I.Am. Because he’s sold 15 million records. He’s won 5 Grammys. I hate his fuckin music but he’s a highly respected producer and rich beyond imagination. You’re just a bitter queen with high-speed. And yet we’re really supposed to think you were calm and rational and he was a raving lunatic? That seems very hard to believe.
“I wanted to hurt him with the word I chose, not anyone else. Unfortunately, the one who got hurt was me and, subsequently, a lot of other people.”
Dude don’t flatter yourself. No one else was hurt. They we’re offended and/or embarrassed. You were, rightfully, the only one who was hurt.
“I wish none of it had happened. I can’t take it back. I did what I thought was best at the moment to stand up for myself in a non-violent yet still assertive way. Clearly, I am not homophobic. Also, I am not nor have I ever claimed to be a spokesperson for the gay community. I am just speaking for myself, a gay man. One who is labeled “flamboyant” in the media. An American that is not granted equal rights under the law.”
(editors note – I could live till a hundred and never figure out what the fuck this has to do with perez calling another man “a fucking faggot”, so it’s possible I accidentally copied that last sentence from c-span or something, because it very obviously doesn’t belong here. I apologize.)
“I will continue to speak out for equality and I will continue to say things that upset both gay people and straight people.”
Who are you, Thomas Paine now? You’re not being persecuted because of what you believe or what you write. Stop changing the subject to frame yourself as the victim. You, a grown man, were in an argument. You, by your own admission, chose to escalate it and you screamed insults at another grown man. And then you sorta got hit. Not by government assassins, but by a friend of the guy you just yelled at. That’s it. That’s all that happened. You were in an argument, you chose to raise the stakes, and then you got hit. Ta-da.
“Who I am as a person and what I do for a living are two separate things.”
God you are such a squirmy little worm. You simply refuse to take any accountability for your actions. You refuse to apologize to Will after you lied and said he assaulted you, you refuse to apologize to GLAAD who had every right to question your actions, and when people like the photographer in this famous video questions the things you do, even though he’s calm and you admit to being guilty of what he accuses you of, you still snap and tell him to “shut the fuck up”.
So who is accountable for the things you write on your website? Anyone? Not “Mario”, because he didn’t write it, and not “Perez”, because he’s not real. He’s make-believe. A creation, like what kids with no friends do.
Let me be clear that I am 100 percent accountable for every word on Tyler. If Kelly Clarkson walked up to me today and kicked me square in the nuts, I would deserve it. It would be my fault, not hers. Because I’ve said a hundred mean things about her for absolutely no reason whatsoever, other than my own amusement. By all accounts she’s a perfectly nice woman, but then she got fat so I called her juvenile names because I’m an easily-amused, simple-minded idiot. I started it. I provoked her. They’re just jokes, but I can’t pretend to be some innocent victim if they pissed her off. I’ll probably lighten up on her, but I’m sure as hell gonna keep mocking all the other spoiled Hollywood brats. Why? Because Fuck Them, that’s why.
“I’ve come to terms with all my incongruities and am proud of who I am and what I do. In closing, words can hurt.”
Oh good we’re done.
“But words should not provoke someone to violence.”
“Stripped away from the mask of Perez Hilton, I have been extremely bothered by the public reaction to my assault. Violence should never be condoned with such statements as ‘It’s Karma’ or ‘I don’t believe in violence but….’.
I know sugary little treats like you wet their pants at the idea of a fight, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men fighting. This isn’t about some drunk beating his wife, or some rednecks jumping the black kid, this is about one man insulting another man to his face, screaming at him and calling him a “fag”. Twice. Who the fuck put you in charge of where things should stop? So you can scream insults at someone and that’s it? That’s as far as it goes? Yes I’m sure people like you would love that. If you could say anything you want and then hide behind keyboards and attorneys. You just want to insult people to their face and then walk away? Well hey guess what. Tttthump.
“In fact, several television and radio shows over the past couple of days echoed the sentiment ‘He had it coming’. Would they have said the same thing if I was a woman? Would I have ‘deserved it’ if I had been stabbed? Or shot? Or killed?”
Umm, no. You got me there. If you were a woman, and you had been stabbed and shot and killed, that would have been too far. Touche. Of course, obviously, you’re not a woman, you’re a grown man, so I’m not sure what the fuck these nonsensical examples have to do with anything, but yes, you’re right. That would have been overboard. Before you ask, if you were a baby duck, and they loaded you into an old-timey cannon and shot you across a field, that also would have been undeserved.
“I was attacked from behind without warning…”
Wait he didn’t text you first or send a video with the Bugs Bunny sneaking-up-behind-you music? Oh, wow, I had no idea. This changes everything. Attacked without warning? That is fucked up. Where were you, at home in a deep sleep? The library? Oh wait, never mind, now I remember. You were ten steps away from where you screamed “you’re a fucking faggot” in Will.I.Ams face.
“…and repeatedly punched in the head in a cold, disgusting and unnecessarily violent manner by Polo Molina, the road manager for the Black Eyed Peas, who I did not even speak with that evening. I did not share any words with him and his assault on me was completely unprovoked.”
Good Lord you’re acting like they beat you with pipes and left you for dead in the desert. You barely had one scratch. In this 1:15 video with Keyboard Cat, the first three things you say are all lies. You lied about Will assaulting you, you lie about what he says in his first video (he never says a fan hit you, he never says anything about a fight, he didn’t even seem to know you got hit until later, which is why he made a second video), you lied about “NEVER” lying about something like this (as I just said, you already falsely accused him) and you lied about “10 million + people a day visiting my website” (try 970,000 people a day), so why the fuck would anyone believe he hit you “repeatedly”?
“I feel like everything happens for a reason…”
Yes it happened because you yelled, “you’re a fucking faggot” at a grown man in front of several dozen of his friends and peers. That is the one and only reason this happened.
“…and I leave this traumatic experience as person with more compassion.”
See, violence, applied properly and with appropriate restraint, worked. You just admitted it. If you hadn’t been hit, there would have been no traumatic experience. But you were, and now you’re a better person. Hooray for Violence!
“Specifically, there was an instance last year when actor Jesse Metcalfe was attacked outside of a Hollywood nightclub by a fellow entertainer. I did not condone the violence, but I did make light of that situation. I regret that. Sincerely.”
But not enough to actually say the words, “I’m sorry”, apparently.
“There are many ways to deal with disagreements, both good and bad, but violence is never the answer. Never. I now know that first-hand. It should not be condoned, promoted or accepted. No one “deserves” to be the victim of violence. No one “has it coming.” NO ONE.”
“And victims should not be ridiculed. I look forward to marching for equality in Washington, D.C. this October.”
But DC has so many black people “thugs”.
“And I look forward to standing up for my rights in a Toronto courtroom shortly, as I fully intend to seek every lawful remedy against the man that attacked me.”
Sooo, I guess you weren’t just building up to where you apologize to Will.I.Am for saying he hit you. Well you get points for consistency if nothing else.