“I won’t go back to Jessica.”

It seems unlikely that anyone asked without stifling a smile, but according to today’s Sun, Nick Lachey has thought about the offer that doesn’t exist and ruled out a reunion with Jessica Simpson.  He confronted the rumor no one is spreading and spoke into his hair brush in front of the mirror:

“I think it’s fun storytelling, but there’s very little truth to any of it. I certainly have heard about her break-up and I wish her the best, as I’ve always done. Aside from that, there really is nothing to say … I haven’t talked to her in probably two years. I wish her happiness. That’s where it pretty much ends.”

Oh what the fuck ever dude.  2001 was a long time ago.  This jackass would be lucky to date Chris Crocker at this point.  Nicks agent probably has to fight it out to get him jobs over the Chocolate Rain guy and that chicken who plays tic-tac-toe.

Keep in mind how hot Jess was when they were together.  This is like a raccoon saying he likes the dumpster he’s in now, and he has no plans for going back to the sushi place where they just leave stuff on ice out back.

(22 more pics here. hq jump here)