Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem yesterday at the opening ceremony of the Tiger Tourney, a charity golf event in Bethesda, Maryland, hosted by Tiger Woods. So here are some pictures and the amazing true facts behind them.
PICTURE 1 - holy fucking shit.
PICTURE 9 - most girls find my 14 pound penis to be “too big”. Could Jessica be the woman I’ve been searching for?
PICTURE 15 - people say there’s never any black people on Tyler, but here you can kind of see Tiger Woods’ ear, and this appears to be his chin. Suck on that, critics!
PICTURE 16 - horizontal stripes, huh? That was a … uh, interesting … interesting choice. Um … you know what never mind.
PICTURE 23 - here, Jessica laid a few fingers on boyfriend Tony Romo. Out of habit he then threw the ball to the safety and fell down.
PICTURE 30 - he’s making that face because he just came in his pants.
(16 more pics here. hq jump here)
no watt, i’d rather stab my eardrums with fiery hot stakes than listen to her warble.
and she should really get her nose done. it’s competing with her gigantic tits too much.
I finally found Waldo…two of them?
shes wearing no panties!
Didn’t her sister get a nose job to look more like jessica?
That family has huuuuuuuuge noses
DD, most singers do not get their noses done cause it affects their voices (example: Barbara Streisand).
Yes, yes, I know what you’re gonna say; “She can’t sing in the first place, maybe getting the surgery would help her out”.
Personally, unless a feature is ridiculously disfigured, plastic surgery should just be pushed aside. I think Jessica’s nose is unique. It aint like it’s grotesque or anything.
Spanx wouldn’t hold that egg-sack in, B. I’m thinking some kind of Batman-like Kevlar and battleship plating is in order.
Terrell Owens left the Cowboys after last season since Tony Romo found a new favorite wide receiver.
Looking at the banner pic, I guess Jessica must have learned how to wave at the Special Olympics…
Streisand was pretty hot back in the 70’s, nose not-withstanding
I can honestly say that I cannot name one Jessica Simpson song…not one. Isn’t she a cover singer any way? Or does she have actual songs? Either way it doesn’t matter. I don’t listen to shit. Well….yea, I do, but not this kind of shit.
Not only is JS HOT, but she always reminds me of this girl I met who, like JS, was a devout Christian, and even had a pastor as a father.
I’m pretty sure I have a room waiting for me in hell for talking her into Bondage and anal!
No offense, DB but you’re sounding kind of gay today.
You know, the horizontal stripes making you look wider and now talking about Streisand.
What’s next? Ask DD about her shoes and we can all paint each others nails.
But it will be worth it Mac-Daddy, you know it will….
I’ve been having some serious weight issues.
Think I’ll go with the horizontal stripes.
What kind of shoes you wearing DD?
…and I’ll hang a pair of Tweety’s bird cages from my ears.
well, between that and her semen-catcher, i mean, butt chin…all i’m sayin’ is she should consider some work. many singers get nose jobs because it improves their singing. (deviated septums, collapsed sinus walls, etc). you’re right tho, deebs…she can’t carry a tune in a bucket.
the way she moves the mic to modify her voice instead of using her diaphragm and her voicebox is a clear indicator that she has no clue what she’s doing.
Rokan, it’s just some of that worthless info stuck in my head. We all got input that we could live without just swimming around up there.
By the way, before the day REALLY gets started, did you hear about the Flyers picking up Laperriere? I think it was a good sign, especially since we lost Knuble.
DD said “diaphragm.”
Rem, did you catch my O’ Brother Wherefore Art Thou Romeo quote this morning? About stealing from my kin?
When you put up your more recent pic, I was going to say you look more like the dude from Rounders than the nerd from Ghostbusters. Found out that was the other dude you mentioned looking like.
Tourette, or something…