Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem yesterday at the opening ceremony of the Tiger Tourney, a charity golf event in Bethesda, Maryland, hosted by Tiger Woods. So here are some pictures and the amazing true facts behind them.
PICTURE 1 - holy fucking shit.
PICTURE 9 - most girls find my 14 pound penis to be “too big”. Could Jessica be the woman I’ve been searching for?
PICTURE 15 - people say there’s never any black people on Tyler, but here you can kind of see Tiger Woods’ ear, and this appears to be his chin. Suck on that, critics!
PICTURE 16 - horizontal stripes, huh? That was a … uh, interesting … interesting choice. Um … you know what never mind.
PICTURE 23 - here, Jessica laid a few fingers on boyfriend Tony Romo. Out of habit he then threw the ball to the safety and fell down.
PICTURE 30 - he’s making that face because he just came in his pants.
(16 more pics here. hq jump here)
*giggle*
John Turturro, Sock, but I have to admit I resemble Harold Ramis way more
You know, the more you look at Messica, the more she looks like someone tried to stuff 20 lbs of sausage into an old sock.
No offense, Finkle.
Uh, Jessica Simpson, only one way to rid my ears of her noise.
::cranks up Reign In Blood::
Ah better.
There’s gotta be some joke with deebs sausage and socks but I’m shooting blanks…
Great even Jessica gets in on the fist action.
Fist™
Stark, have you completed any new devices that would properly dispose of THC and fake THC douches from last night?
Fist™
Why don’t you eat breakfast with DB?
When you ask him to finish off the sausage, he grabs a sock.
That was weak. I changed it about 3 times while typing it.
Watt,
All I can do is pitch them, someone else has to step up to the plate.
Or at least bend over and start catching.
I think it would’ve been funny if the “came in his pants” guy faked an artificial arm malfunction where his claw makes grabs at Messica’s boobs … maybe with the Benny Hill Show music playing … or not.
I know saying this is just white noise cause you’re all convinced I’d pork a dead elephant seal if it was freshly dead, but Jessica Simpson looks just fucking fine. She aint ugly in the slightest or overweight. I’d dick her with a smile on my face. My ora would orgasm.
No FFOE. I don’t that’s a good use of my time.
Lets face it, she looks fuckable and if you know what you’re doing she is unlikely to have the prescence of mind to be able to sing while you’re poking her.
Problem with the singing solved.
That is not true at all, DB.
I’d give you a good day and a half on the dead elephant seal.
At least NPD shares OPD’s fascination with Jess. Unlike the record-buying public, as it turns out.
I’m convinced deebs would dick a manatee
How has no one commented on the guy’s hands in pic 30?
There’s a SuperB joke in there somewhere, but I’ma let lefty find it.
Because he doesn’t have any?