07.02.2009 ohai

9993612_jessica_simpson_at_the_at_t_national_at_congressional_country_club_in_bethesda-6_122_795lo

Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem yesterday at the opening ceremony of the Tiger Tourney, a charity golf event in Bethesda, Maryland, hosted by Tiger Woods.   So here are some pictures and the amazing true facts behind them.

PICTURE 1 - holy fucking shit.

PICTURE 9 - most girls find my 14 pound penis to be “too big”.  Could Jessica be the woman I’ve been searching for?

PICTURE 15 - people say there’s never any black people on Tyler, but here you can kind of see Tiger Woods’ ear, and this appears to be his chin. Suck on that, critics!

PICTURE 16 - horizontal stripes, huh? That was a … uh, interesting … interesting choice. Um … you know what never mind.

PICTURE 23 - here, Jessica laid a few fingers on boyfriend Tony Romo. Out of habit he then threw the ball to the safety and fell down.

PICTURE 30 - he’s making that face because he just came in his pants.

(16 more pics here. hq jump here)

30 photos in gallery >

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132 Comments

(132) Comments

  1. Long_Duk_Dong 07/02/2009 11:09

    I knew that….
    bad, bad, bad joke

  2. Watt(Power) 07/02/2009 11:10

    Staring at a package of tube socks about to get starched

  3. DB's Treasure 07/02/2009 11:14

    I’m feeling sushi today

  4. Zombie 07/02/2009 11:16

    LDD hey buddy, I was hoping beginning to think you were dead.

  5. RemSteale 07/02/2009 11:16

    Why are you touching up raw fish??

  6. Watt(Power) 07/02/2009 11:16

    I’m feeling Alison Angel

  7. Socktress Leisa 07/02/2009 11:17

    Easy to tell the difference, Duk.

    One was fucking a Fox, the other prefers socks.

  8. Watt(Power) 07/02/2009 11:20

    I’m pretty sure DB would trade all the tube socks in the world and switch to crew or ankle socks to fuck megan fox

  9. eattrn 07/02/2009 11:20

    Not a bad day for Romo. She has lost some weight it appears. But just wait until they are married.

  10. DB's Treasure 07/02/2009 11:21

    I’d torch every sock on the planet like a goddamn Nazi book burning to have a taste of Megan Fox.

  11. Socktress Leisa 07/02/2009 11:21

    But would he switch to toe socks, Watt?

  12. SuperB 07/02/2009 11:23

    Ohhh…I know NOW what to get DB for his birthday….

    http://www.comfortwipe.com

  13. DB's Treasure 07/02/2009 11:23

    “But just wait until they are married.”

    Aint that the case with 99.9% of women? Shit, most girls start letting go after 3 months of being in a relationship. They start wearing ponytails nonstop, bush trimmage begins to gain days between each session and then they gain a gunt. I’m not lying…just ask Lefty.

  14. Zombie 07/02/2009 11:24

    I knew this kid named Socks, he used to get fast acts out on the corner with drugs

    He liked to hang out late, he liked to get shitfaced to keep the pace with thugs

    Till late one night there was a big gunfight and Socks lost his head

    Pulled out his chrome .45, talked some shit and wound up dead

  15. Watt(Power) 07/02/2009 11:25

    Ahahaha gunt is a funny word

  16. Socktress Leisa 07/02/2009 11:26

    Everlast? Really?

  17. Zombie 07/02/2009 11:27

    SuperB, I was waiting for it to show the woman putting that stick up to her ass and wiping in the demonstration video.

  18. SuperB 07/02/2009 11:28

    I like everlast….gravelly voice.

    /wet pants.

    As one of my buddies said, who besides fuckers with alligator arms would even need such a damn thing….

  19. Zombie 07/02/2009 11:29

    Sorry Socks… that song just came on the radio and it made me invision you walking around acting wiggerish as you do on occasion, then getting popped as a result.

  20. Jong-Il 07/02/2009 11:30

    I would gladly bed Jessica.

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