Britney reads the Top 10

August 19, 2009 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

People are dumb so they’ll sometimes laugh at anything, even things that clearly aren’t funny, if they think they’ve just been told a joke. Watch any Robin Williams talk show appearance from 1978 until today and you’ll see what I mean. Or you could watch last nights Top 10 list, read by Britney in a bikini.

Top Ten Ways the Country Would be Different if Britney Spears Were President
10. I’d be the first president to wear eye shadow since Nixon.
9. We would only invade fun places like Cabo.
8. Free pie for everybody.
7. My situation room would be a cabana at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas.
6. I’d lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistible scent of my new fragrance “Circus Fantasy.”
5. Every presidential news conference would feature costume changes.
4. America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy.
3. Challenge U.S. to put nightclub on the moon by the end of the decade.
2. Three words: Vice president Diddy.
1. Finally the media would pay some attention to me.

I dare you to find even one joke in there. You could just turn your keyboard face down then stand on it and whatever was typed would be funnier than this. This took me like 30 minutes, but I’m not a highly paid staff of professional joke writers so there:

10. Best tits in the White House since Nixon.
9. I would bring back Presidential assassinations for enemies of the state who threaten our way of life. People like Christina Aguilera and that blogger who called me fat.
8. Instead of big heavy guns we could give our soldiers umbrellas. I think you’d be surprised at how much damage you can do with one of those.
7. We wouldn’t waste money on things like situation rooms. Mostly because I don’t know what that is.
6. I saw a Bugs Bunny one time where Bugs blew up Daffy by making a girl duck out of cannonballs and dynamite. Maybe we can try that with bin Laden.
5. Press conferences wouldn’t feature the reporter standing up to ask a question any more if you know what I mean.
4. Based on precedent, I think America could go from a deficit to a huge surplus by marrying and then divorcing me.
3. That driveway in front of the White House is just made for a Starbucks.
2. (gestures towards her breasts) Not bad, right?
1. If my ratings drop I can always just kiss another girl again.

Alright so maybe this is harder than it looks.


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