08.24.2009 He killed himself

1spl120359_002_0_0

Ryan Jenkins, the dude who was a finalist on the VH1 show “Megan Wants a Millionaire” last month but more to the point chopped up his wife and shoved her in a suitcase last week, was found dead last night in a secluded budget motel in British Columbia, Canada. And this isn’t really related but you can get some kick ass weed up there. The AP says…

On Sunday evening, police responded to a call from motel staff about a dead person, and then called investigators who were part of the manhunt for Jenkins.
The manager of The Thunderbird Motel and his nephew said they found Jenkins hanging from the bar of a coat rack by a belt. They said a young woman had checked him in to the two-story inn surrounded by trees.

I’m glad they mentioned what the motel was surrounded by. It would have ruined the whole story had I not known. And even though he went out like a panicky little woman, other motel guests said Jenkins last days were grim.

Walker said he saw a man walk past his own balcony at the motel — a man who would later turn out to be Jenkins.
“In no way shape or form did he look like the man on TV,” he said. “He looked spent.”
“He didn’t look like the Ryan Jenkins I’d seen. He looked like a man at the end of his rope.”

Hahaha. I just wanted to include that part about him being at the end of his rope. And one of the cops said, “The ring was tightening around him.” I like to think these Canadians were doing a bunch of hanging puns but probably not. “I told him to hang in there. Times would be tough but if he tightened his belt he’d get through it.”

I think it was the Egyptians who used to take a cow and slice open it’s stomach and then sew a prisoner inside it up to his neck, where only his head was sticking out. The mans knees were pulled up to his chest and bound along with his hands and feet so he wasn’t going anywhere. Then they would put the dead cow on the bank of a river and just let it bake in the sun. So the dude would sit there in this rotting flesh with that smell and ooze and all the bugs crawling on his face, and of course crocodiles and buzzards and all that. I wish there was some way to bring this Ryan dude back to life so we could kill him again like that. But we probably wouldn’t be allowed to, now that all these pussy Democrats are in charge.

(96) Comments

  1. Dr Drew 08/24/2009 07:58

    Criminals committing suicide = a good thing. Saves the taxpayer big time in useless court costs and public defender fees etc. chop him up an bury him in a suitcase as well.

  2. Big Smelly Dirt Cock 08/24/2009 08:39

    If he didn’t take the pussy way out by killing himself he should have gotten the death penalty for that lame fauxhawk alone.

  3. RemSteale 08/24/2009 08:46

    Wait, so the motel was surrounded by trees, not the woman who booked him in??

  4. SomeoneluvsU 08/24/2009 08:55

    I think all reality TV “celebs” should be stuffed into dead cows and filmed…THAT I would watch.

  5. SsnakeOil 08/24/2009 08:59

    Should be a reality show…. Six contestants vie to see how long they can stay sewn up in a cow’s stomach in the river.

  6. RemSteale 08/24/2009 08:59

    Fauxhawk, hairstyle of choice of balding older men trying to date teenagers

  7. RemSteale 08/24/2009 09:00

    No, six contestant have to beat each other with baseball bats to avoid going into the cows stomach

  8. SsnakeOil 08/24/2009 09:03

    God, I hope this post isn’t up all freakin’ day…

  9. DB's Treasure 08/24/2009 09:04

    Who the hell is this dork?

  10. SsnakeOil 08/24/2009 09:04

    What’s going to be next, Rem? You seemed to predict this one.

  11. mephesto 08/24/2009 09:06

    Too bad he didn’t do that to Megan on that dumb fucking show. Now that would be some classic reality tv.

  12. RemSteale 08/24/2009 09:06

    Lohan got burgled??

  13. SsnakeOil 08/24/2009 09:07

    DB! Dude chopped up his wife, an ugly ex-model with huge aftermarket tits. You didn’t miss much.

  14. SsnakeOil 08/24/2009 09:07

    How was the trip?

  15. DB's Treasure 08/24/2009 09:08

    “burgled”? Does that mean she got made into a sandwich? Okay, I lost my funny. Screw you.

    Ssnake, is all that shit done fore? Like, that bitch and beppo? I forget the shithead’s name.

  16. SuperB 08/24/2009 09:09

    I was hoping for a good brazen bull or waterboard, but I guess this will work.

    Stupid dickhead.

  17. RemSteale 08/24/2009 09:10

    Sorry, burgled is english for “her apartment got robbed”.

    Although personally I think she probably just left the door open and came back to find the mess she left behind her

  18. pepper 08/24/2009 09:10

    Do we have a new fad?
    Kill yurself by hanging in the closet?

  19. RemSteale 08/24/2009 09:11

    Its a homosexual allegory Pepper….

  20. pepper 08/24/2009 09:11

    I know what allegory is, what is a homosexual?

You must be logged in to post a comment.