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We are so screwed

August 28, 2009 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

Seeing bears scale walls on ladders puts us one step from living in “the Golden Compass”, where armored bears form an army of indestructible killing machines, but at least their discovery of this Rosetta Stone, the key to unlocking new ways to catch and eat us, was a random accident that couldn’t be avoided.

A bear that got stuck in a skateboard park climbed up a ladder to make its escape. The animal had been stuck in the sunken skating bowl overnight and could not get up the steep-sided concrete walls on its own. Officials in the town of Snowmass, Colorado lowered down a long ladder, which the bear walked across before heading back to the woods. The bear was uninjured by its experience.

Well Jesus don’t teach the bears how to climb ladders! We need those walls, to separate the bears from our succulent arms and legs. What’s the second part of your plan, coat doorknobs in honey? Jesus Fuckin Christ, I’m scared to even turn around right now, one of these new Super Bears may have snuck up behind me.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)

FUKK THOSE BEARS UPDATE – luckily the great Jimmy Norton of the Opie and Anthony show has a plan to deal with the bears (very NSFW language).  Does it involve flame-throwers? Of course it does. Why wouldn’t it.

Tags: bears



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