Melrose Place is gonna suck

By brendon August 04, 2009 @ 5:50 PM


The cast of the the new “Melrose Place” has been gathered for the first time to present them to the media, and, um … really? If your plan is to get a bunch of sexy girls, and Ashlee Simpson is the hottest one, your plan has gone horribly wrong. You could get hotter girls by dialing the numbers written on bathroom walls. From left to right, they are: The One No One Likes, EEOC Proof of Compliance, The One No One Likes Mom, Halloween Decoration, Angerina Jorie, and AnnaLynn McBoard.

(86) Comments

  1. avatar
    jab_socal 08/04/2009 17:52


  2. avatar
    iwontrememberthis 08/04/2009 17:54

    Cheerleader, So and So, What’s Her Face, The Ugly One

  3. avatar
    Rick (with a silent P) 08/04/2009 18:05

    This looks more like Mel’s Ho’s Place…

  4. avatar
    Mony Vibescu 08/04/2009 18:06

    My dick is so heavy right now; I need Emma to drain him.

  5. avatar
    Squall 08/04/2009 18:11

    Shut up! Jessica lucas (The dark one) is the hottest. I love that girl.

  6. avatar
    FastInAtl 08/04/2009 18:12

    That was awesome, the first post I’ve laughed out loud at in a while here. I’m not as big a fan of faux-but real-but faux racism, but “EEOC Proof of Compliance” and “Angerina Jorie” (Hans Brix! Oh no!) were great.

  7. avatar
    ohmwrecker 08/04/2009 18:15

    WTF is going on with that bitch on the right. I could eat soup out of her chest cavity.

  8. avatar
    Eddy 08/04/2009 18:24

    Ms. EEOC Compliance is hot. The old blonde lady is scary looking… I wouldn’t fuck her with YOUR dick!

  9. avatar
    Mac-Daddy 08/04/2009 18:29

    Fuck this show!

  10. avatar
    Suicide_Blonde 08/04/2009 18:33

    What is it exactly that makes me want to punch Ashlee Simpson in the face?

  11. avatar
    The Introspective Tony Stark 08/04/2009 19:19

    I’m trying to find what number the New Melrose Place is on signs of the apocalypse…

  12. avatar
    ankh 08/04/2009 19:19

    “EEOC Proof of compliance, Angerina Jorie,” !!!
    Dude you are going straight to hell ha ha ha ha.
    I love an equal opportunity hater

  13. avatar
    Rokan 08/04/2009 19:26

    Its like a skank rainbow!

  14. avatar
    tedujam 08/04/2009 20:21

    Katie Cassidy is hot as fuck. Ashlee Simpson is a 5 at most.

  15. avatar
    Rokan 08/04/2009 21:02


    Are you still there? I feel like I fell asleep on the bus and got off at the wrong station.

    I don’t recognize anything . . .


  16. avatar
    Rick (with a silent P) 08/04/2009 21:13

    “I could eat soup out of her chest cavity.”

    ohm, not if the Soup Nazi decides otherwise…

    “No soup for you!!”

  17. avatar
    Rick (with a silent P) 08/04/2009 21:19

    “What is it exactly that makes me want to punch Ashlee Simpson in the face?”

    Why ask why, Suicide? Just do it…and given the promise of “Mel’s Ho’s Place: Who’s Your (Sugar) Daddy?”, those are the only two commercials this unpolished turd will have as sponsors will scatter like cockroaches when the light is turned on…

  18. avatar
    Rokan 08/04/2009 21:20

    Hey (p)

    “You want bread?

    Come back . . . One year!”

  19. avatar
    SsnakeOil 08/04/2009 21:40

    Rokan, you change your underwear as often as you change your avi?

  20. avatar
    Rokan 08/04/2009 21:58


    Who says I wear underwear?

    All fucking George Lucas gave me was an ammo belt.

    He’s a pervert. He wouldn’t let Princess Leia wear a bra either.

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