Melrose Place is gonna suck

By brendon August 04, 2009 @ 5:50 PM


The cast of the the new “Melrose Place” has been gathered for the first time to present them to the media, and, um … really? If your plan is to get a bunch of sexy girls, and Ashlee Simpson is the hottest one, your plan has gone horribly wrong. You could get hotter girls by dialing the numbers written on bathroom walls. From left to right, they are: The One No One Likes, EEOC Proof of Compliance, The One No One Likes Mom, Halloween Decoration, Angerina Jorie, and AnnaLynn McBoard.


(86) Comments

  1. jab_socal 08/04/2009 17:52


  2. iwontrememberthis 08/04/2009 17:54

    Cheerleader, So and So, What’s Her Face, The Ugly One

  3. Rick (with a silent P) 08/04/2009 18:05

    This looks more like Mel’s Ho’s Place…

  4. Mony Vibescu 08/04/2009 18:06

    My dick is so heavy right now; I need Emma to drain him.

  5. Squall 08/04/2009 18:11

    Shut up! Jessica lucas (The dark one) is the hottest. I love that girl.

  6. FastInAtl 08/04/2009 18:12

    That was awesome, the first post I’ve laughed out loud at in a while here. I’m not as big a fan of faux-but real-but faux racism, but “EEOC Proof of Compliance” and “Angerina Jorie” (Hans Brix! Oh no!) were great.

  7. ohmwrecker 08/04/2009 18:15

    WTF is going on with that bitch on the right. I could eat soup out of her chest cavity.

  8. Eddy 08/04/2009 18:24

    Ms. EEOC Compliance is hot. The old blonde lady is scary looking… I wouldn’t fuck her with YOUR dick!

  9. Mac-Daddy 08/04/2009 18:29

    Fuck this show!

  10. Suicide_Blonde 08/04/2009 18:33

    What is it exactly that makes me want to punch Ashlee Simpson in the face?

  11. The Introspective Tony Stark 08/04/2009 19:19

    I’m trying to find what number the New Melrose Place is on signs of the apocalypse…

  12. ankh 08/04/2009 19:19

    “EEOC Proof of compliance, Angerina Jorie,” !!!
    Dude you are going straight to hell ha ha ha ha.
    I love an equal opportunity hater

  13. Rokan 08/04/2009 19:26

    Its like a skank rainbow!

  14. tedujam 08/04/2009 20:21

    Katie Cassidy is hot as fuck. Ashlee Simpson is a 5 at most.

  15. Rokan 08/04/2009 21:02


    Are you still there? I feel like I fell asleep on the bus and got off at the wrong station.

    I don’t recognize anything . . .


  16. Rick (with a silent P) 08/04/2009 21:13

    “I could eat soup out of her chest cavity.”

    ohm, not if the Soup Nazi decides otherwise…

    “No soup for you!!”

  17. Rick (with a silent P) 08/04/2009 21:19

    “What is it exactly that makes me want to punch Ashlee Simpson in the face?”

    Why ask why, Suicide? Just do it…and given the promise of “Mel’s Ho’s Place: Who’s Your (Sugar) Daddy?”, those are the only two commercials this unpolished turd will have as sponsors will scatter like cockroaches when the light is turned on…

  18. Rokan 08/04/2009 21:20

    Hey (p)

    “You want bread?

    Come back . . . One year!”

  19. SsnakeOil 08/04/2009 21:40

    Rokan, you change your underwear as often as you change your avi?

  20. Rokan 08/04/2009 21:58


    Who says I wear underwear?

    All fucking George Lucas gave me was an ammo belt.

    He’s a pervert. He wouldn’t let Princess Leia wear a bra either.

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