afternoon headlines

The Thursday afternoon headlines are hosted by Italian actress Maria Grazia Cucinotta. As the Venice Film Festival draws to a close, it may be another year before we see her huge MILF rack again. Sometimes girls email me and ask if they should get implants and if I’m serious when I talk about how awesome huge boobs are. The answer to that is “yes”. Except “yes” is in all caps and there’s an exclamation point at the end and the exclamation point is actually a lightning bolt.

WHITNEY HOUSTON – told Oprah that she was so strung out on drugs in the late 90’s that she once spent 7 months in her pajamas. She makes doing drugs sound relaxing. I think I’ll try some. (the sun)

TILA TEQUILLA – over the weekend, Tila alleged that her boyfriend, San Diego Chargers star Shawne Merriman, beat her, choked her and held her against her will. Merriman says he was merely keeping her from driving drunk. Today the San Diego Sheriff’s Department presented its evidence to the DA who will decide what charges, if any, are to be filed. Some people would have just taken the car keys, but Shawne Merriman didn’t become an All-Pro linebacker by fussin around like a woman. (e! news)

JODIE FOSTER – has been dumped by her girlfriend, producer Cindy Mort, just two months after Foster dumped Cydney Bernard. Bernard and Foster had dated for the past 14 years. They say Foster is “miserable”. On top of all that, keep in mind that gay people can’t get into Heaven. Poor Jodie. She’s always seemed nice. (the enquirer)

(hq jump here.  source = splash news online and getty)