11.03.2009 paltrow cant compete with kate bosworth

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Kate Bosworth gets forgotten about, but she’s terrific. She’s sexy as hell, while at the same time, if she were any cuter she would technically be a panda in a cowboy hat. Gwyneth Paltrow on the other hand is a mean old bitch who looks like a ghost you would see near a Civil War graveyard.

Keeping these two indisputable facts in mind, it’s no wonder that Paltrows husband is cheating on her with Bosworth. Star magazine says…

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” an eyewitness tells Star. “There was Chris (Martin) totally making out with Kate in front of other people. At first I thought it might be Gwyneth, but when she came up for air, it was clear the woman was Kate!”

Despite what you may have heard, sex with a pot-bellied big-toothed ghost leaves a lot to be desired. I don’t know if Martin really is cheating on Paltrow, but yes, Martin is 100 percent really cheating on Paltrow. Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he? She’s a damn monster.

(picture source = pacific coast and getty)


(79) Comments

  1. RedRage 11/03/2009 16:41

    I want to paint that forehead white.

  2. TheOverrated 11/03/2009 16:43

    id give her a pearl necklace
    http://youareoverrated.com/

  3. RedRage 11/03/2009 16:43

    Maybe he was just trying to get the taste of Apple’s penis out of his mouth.

  4. Observer 11/03/2009 16:45

    I frequently drive by Ms. Bosworth’s high school on my way to Stop & Shop…..

    ….and ColdPlay was recently in town………

    …coincidence?

    I am a freakin matchmaker………..

  5. Watt 11/03/2009 16:48

    And I care because……………………………………..

    Cali I know you weren’t serious. Don’t worry your giant Gagaglasses off.

  6. ohmwrecker 11/03/2009 16:49

    I always thought that dudes that played water polo were gay . . . huh.

  7. Just the Tip 11/03/2009 16:53

    Who could compete with The Two Eyes?!

    Wait - I mean… everyone HAS two eyes - well, not everyone, but those poor bastards are just fucked anyway, but her two really are like two. Different. Uhhh… it’s that they’re colored. Not like that, that’s not racist, I just mean they don’t match. It’s not normal to have the colors mixed.

    Fuck it.

  8. SinDs 11/03/2009 16:53

    i dont think kate bosworth is all that great either…

  9. Watt 11/03/2009 16:54

    JTT elizabeth berkley has two different colored eyes

    RR: Water Polo is a pretty rough sport. The fàgolis usually stick to sports where they don’t have their hair coated in chlorine and their makeup washed off.

  10. ohmwrecker 11/03/2009 16:54

    I don’t get what the big deal is with this chick she looks like a crackwhore with osteoporosis.

  11. SomeoneluvsU 11/03/2009 16:55

    In the words of Chris Brown,
    “I’d hit it”

  12. Watt 11/03/2009 16:55

    And I meant ohm not RR. Fuck

  13. Death to Finkle! 11/03/2009 16:56

    Marco!!!

  14. SomeoneluvsU 11/03/2009 16:56

    And Pandas in cowboy hats are the hot

  15. RedRage 11/03/2009 16:57

    Polo!!

  16. Just the Tip 11/03/2009 16:57

    What the hell does Elizabeth Berkley have to do with anything?

    You can’t even get blown in a pool full of inflatables & a ball!

    …and I have no idea what that dig even means, but I’m pretty sure there is no defending Water Polo.

    …unless it’s chics. In bikinis. That regularly get torn off. …and it’s in a pool of jello.

  17. Rusty Sanchez 11/03/2009 16:58

    Boy Its too bad Gwyneth didnt have a “Warning Sign”

  18. Fallguy 11/03/2009 16:58

    RedRage: Who’s in your av?

    ohmwrecker: Same question.

  19. Watt 11/03/2009 16:59

    She had a thrashing spastic orgasm in showgirls.

  20. ohmwrecker 11/03/2009 17:00

    “Water Polo is a pretty rough sport.”

    I laughed so hard, I cried.

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