tuesday morning headlines

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 11:54 AM


CASEY JOHNSON - The great-granddaughter of the founder of Johnson & Johnson, daughter of the owner of the New York Jets and Tila Tequillas fiance, was found dead last night in her LA home. It’s suspected she overdosed. Can you die of embarrassment or is that just an expression? Because this chick was a complete fuckup. (new york post)

WARREN BEATTY - slept with 12,775 women over 35 years, averaging a new girl every day from when he lost his virginity at age 20 to when he married Annette Benning in 1992 at age 55. This is all according to a new book called, “Numbers I Made Up: Everyone Look At Me”. (sydney morning herald)

VINCE VAUGHN - got married outside Chicago to Kyla Weber, 31, a Canadian real estate agent, in a small ceremony with only close friends and family. According to my awesome level of jingoism, you can identify Webers side of the family in the pictures because they’re the mounties in full uniform and fishing guides in waders holding up a trout in a net. (people)

MADDOX, ZAHARA AND SHILOH JOLIE - were left 100 grand each when Angelinas mom died in 2007, but they can’t touch it until they’re 25. Can they scape by until then? Let’s keep them in our prayers. (us magazine)

(56) Comments

  1. avatar
    tblaney6591 01/05/2010 12:01

    Casey Johnson dead?!? … Ok. Ok… Let’s cut the crap. What does this mean for the price of bandaids???


  2. avatar
    pepper 01/05/2010 12:05

    Did she ever suck on a Johnson ?
    meatbydapound, do you know?

  3. avatar
    Admiral 01/05/2010 12:07

    Did anyone ever find out what was up with Sienna Miller’s asshole? Why is she splashing saltwater on it?

    Also, Casey Johnson was a woman? That is a woman, right?

  4. avatar
    Rokan 01/05/2010 12:11

    Girls kissing makes me feel all tingly down there.

  5. avatar
    RemSteale 01/05/2010 12:12

    Guess this year will be full of “celebrity” overdoses too.

    Kanye West, Kanye West, Kanye West. Come on motherfucker

  6. avatar
    pepper 01/05/2010 12:14

    Rem, it’s more like.

  7. avatar
    Watt 01/05/2010 12:15

    Wait wait I thought lesbians were supposed to be hot what the fuck is this shit?

  8. avatar
    Zombie 01/05/2010 12:15

    I wonder if Warren Beatty wore his yellow Dick Tracy fedora while he plowed Madonna.

  9. avatar
    Watt 01/05/2010 12:16

    Man I wanna sauce Arianna Huffingtons Gyro.

  10. avatar
    meatbydapound 01/05/2010 12:19

    Pepper, my sources confirm she has indeed sucked on a johnson. Um… the color was said to be a dark brown or possibly light purple. I’m told that when she couldn’t bring the johnson to full excitement, she stomped on the ball sack with 6 1/2 inch stilletos and swore to only eating hair pie. More on this later.

  11. avatar
    Tom Foolery 01/05/2010 12:22

    Is there a number/symbol the jets can put on their helmets to honor their owners fallen daughter? What is a whore number/call sign and do whores even have souls for that matter?

  12. avatar
    RemSteale 01/05/2010 12:23

    Whores must have souls, otherwise bad girls cant go to hell

  13. avatar
    meatbydapound 01/05/2010 12:23

    Of course whores have souls Tom Foolery. Only gingers lack souls.

  14. avatar
    Watt 01/05/2010 12:25

    Tilas a gold digger.

  15. avatar
    Slaappy 01/05/2010 12:26

    Oh no a dead lesbian who can’t get into heaven.
    Sad Trombone ♪Whaaa Wooo♪

  16. avatar
    RemSteale 01/05/2010 12:28

    A sexually promiscuous asian woman with fake tits who’s a gold digger.

    Colour me surprised

  17. avatar
    Mac-Daddy 01/05/2010 12:31

    Does anyone really care about any of this?

    Where are the Tits?

  18. avatar
    Zombie 01/05/2010 12:31

    The Jets are favored to win the Super Bowl now… just like the Colts did in 06′ after Tony Dungy’s son committed suicide right before the playoffs.

  19. avatar
    Slaappy 01/05/2010 12:32

    I sympathize as I almost killed myself when I open my X Mas gift and it was a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle.

  20. avatar
    Tom Foolery 01/05/2010 12:33

    That’s right, creepy ginger kids. I read an article a few months ago that mentioned that gingers average life expectancy is less than the norm and the internet never lies. Speaking of life expectancy when was the last time anybody saw a really old tall person? Like 6’5 and higher, I don’t think I ever have.

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